We are NOT watching this!

The human made me watch the most riculous show last night. It's called Big Brother. WHO watches this crap?!

Shades of Gray

Corndog

Seriously, lady, I HAVE a SCHEDULE to keep.

Here's how it's supposed to go:

1. We wake up
2. I lick the human's face
3. We go downstairs
4. I bark at the back patio door to alert the neighbours that we have arisen
5. We go for a walk, I go to the bathroom and check on the 'hood
6. We go home, I eat breakfast, the human makes her breakfast
7. Human eats breakfast.
8. I lick her plate.
9. I clean the milk steaming container
10. I clean her mocha mug
11. I get a treaty ball and she goes upstairs for awhile
12. I get another treaty ball and a peanut butter kong and the human departs
13. Wayne comes, I party with my friends
14. I sleep
15. The human returns, we walk, we eat
16. We go to bed

Here is how it went yesterday:

1. We wake up
2. I lick the human's face
3. We go downstairs
4. I bark at the back patio door to alert the neighbours that we have arisen
5. We go for a walk, I go to the bathroom and check on the 'hood
6. We go home, I eat breakfast, the human makes her breakfast
7. Human eats breakfast.
8. I lick her plate.
9. I clean the milk steaming container
10. I clean her mocha mug
11. Human shows no sign of going upstairs; instead, gets laptop and sits at kitchen table. I whine and pace.
12. Strange men come to door. Strange men remove front door and spend an hour and a half doing things to my den while I am tied to a bannister. I express my displeasure by barking at everything that goes by our den in the meantime.
13. Men leave. Human stays.
14. Wayne comes. Yipppeee! Something NORMAL!
15. I come home, human is gone

Seriously. This is not acceptable. I need my routine!

Someone send a memo to the human and advise her.

Cake is for sissies

Holy crap, I'm 12

How did THAT happen?!

I'm a senior citizen.

Does that mean I get discounts?

I know it means that, last night, my human made her annual pilgramage to the butcher shop (not an easy thing for a devout vegetarian) to buy my birthday dead stuff.

This year, I got sirloin tip.

For breakfast this morning, she took a paper package out of the fridge and held it to my nose.

All it took was one brief sniff, and my tail was off to the races.

Raw sirloin in my breakfast dish.

Life is SO good!

I may look silly, but I'm STILL a potentially lethal beauty!

My paw is killing me and I can't stop licking it. Saw Dr. Honda last night. She thinks I may have caught my claw on something - it is really loose. But she can't see for sure because my paw is so swollen, she can't see my nail bed.

The human put a sock on my paw yesterday, trying, I suppose, to give me a break from the cone.

I, however, deftly removed the sock and spent the day licking my paw.

Today, she put the sock on again. I know that, if I take the sock off again today, she'll leave me with the dreaded cone tomorrow.

But I just might not be able to help myself.

Waiting for Godot...or Riley

The human got home from yoga yesterday and took me out for a walk, thinking, I expect, that I really had to pee.

I did.

But more than that, I realy wanted to see my boyfriend.

I refused to leave the porch.

Instead, I sat and stared directly at his door. Figured if I stared long enough, it would open and he would come out.

Didn't work.

:-(