You know how I've written about ways to torture your human - eating dead stuff, making them pull it out of your mouth after they try shaking your head with your mouth open to make it fall out, etc.?

Well, that was minor league.

I hit the holy grail of grossing the humans out on our walk last night.

That's right.

Even made a tough, retired cop feel like barfing.

Wanna know how to do it?

It's easy - and delicious.

Suck back a big pile of fresh entrails - and let them figure out how to get THOSE out of your mouth.

That's right! A tasty delicacy, combined with the side splitting entertainment of watching your humans squirm in panic and disgust.

I guarantee, you will not be disappointed.

My human ended up stepping on the intestines, breaking them off so I couldn't finish the whole serving.

But what I got....mmmmmmmmm......amazingly tasty. Once in a lifetime treat. Right there, in a park on Lakeshore.

Tell me, what kind of idiot would take me a little way into a building in which about 20 rabbits were living and then be surprised when I showed no intention whatsoever of leaving?

The rest of the hike yesterday was great. Plenty of vole hunting (though no success), swam after a mallard who, I think, was protecting his nest, smelled tons of fresh spring stuff, tried to chase a few squirrels (leash got in the way) and generally had myself a great time. I even managed to snag a bit of cow manure when we wandered over to the Children's Farm.

But that bunny fiasco, man, that was a rotten way to leave it.

The disappointment was indescribable.

Oh, and get this - on Friday, we went for an off leash hike at the other side of Bronte after work. I was beyond happy - I ran and played and expressed every last ounce of happiness in my soul. When we got there, this GIANT dog - and I do mean giant, he is a mix between a Great Dane and a St. Bernard - developed a bit of a crush on me and started trying to hump me.

Rather like me trying to hump a Yorkie, if you want a sense of the size comparison.

With my back, ain't gonna happen. Tried to tell him off but he'd just bounce right back.

In the end, the human and I wandered off and he forgot all about me.

I channeled my inner wild canid this morning during our hike at Bronte and did some vole hunting in the dry meadow grasses. Quite fulfilling. I even did some pointing. Listened...standing very still...for the sound of vole movement in the grasses below me...when I heard them, I lept into the air and came down fast on my front paws. Didn't catch anything, but the hunt was excellent just the same.

Also went for two lovely swims in the mallard pond, longingly stared at a few squirrels, unable to chase them because of my leash, met a nice 12-year old yellow lab and barked in the car while the human built a protective barrier around a killdeer "nest" (I use the term lightly since killdeer are really crappy nest builders, preferring to lay their eggs in gravel or on rocks) set right in the middle of the parking lot.

Overall, I give this day an "A".

What a great day! Drove home from grandma's early this morning, and, after barking at some giant windmills that were threatening our car, I snoozed the whole way, much of that time with my head on my human's lap.

When we got to Burlington, we stopped at Second Cup and then I could sense indecision in the human. Should we go home...should we go to Bronte...she didn't have my muzzle so no off-leash romp...what to do...about 3 minutes from the park, she made a decision and pulled in. It was a beautiful, sunny day - the kind of day a girl doesn't need to be off leash to have a good time.

Oh, did I have a good time.

We walked all over the park on different trails. I swam in a pond, tried to chase a pair of mallards until my leash kicked in. I played in so many spring puddles I lost track. Rolled in fresh grass, hunted moles and listened to frogs singing. There was a huge assortment of new smells and sounds where we walked today, and it was fantastic. I finished the hike off with a final dip in the mallard pond and a final mole hunt near the parking lot.

Got home, checked out the house to ensure all was in order since we had been away. Satisfied, I headed for the backyard and dried off in the sun.

One of those days it's just plain awesome to walk this earth.

I made a discovery during a very rainy, muddy walk at Bronte late this afternoon.

It is impossible to bonk a mole to death with a muzzle.

Ohhhhh so sick yesterday. I was so desperate I went to the bathroom on the carpet. Hate doing that. Tried so hard not to, but, lacking opposable thumbs and therefore the ability to open the back door to let myself out, I had no choice but to go on the carpet upstairs. The human was very understanding, and, after about 40 minutes of work, appears to have returned the carpet to its original condition. I had to go out lots during the night, so neither of us got much sleep. Today, I made it through - partially because of the lack of food. Nothing but rice today, bland but I suppose my stomach is grateful.

Poor me.

More spring grass this morning! I found a great patch of the stuff and ate the whole thing. Barfed it up ten minutes later on somebody's lawn, but that doesn't matter - it was worth it. So delicious.

Yesterday was a blast. We went to Bronte - I hadn't been all week so I was particularly excited and started barking well before we arrived at the park. We saw Oreo, and a couple of labs (labs are, sorry to say, so lame....I like picking on them). Paris and Boscoe came too. We usually just walk along the trail together, we don't play much. Not today! Paris, Boscoe and I ran and ran in the creek, chased each other around, did tons of play bows and acted like a pack of German shepherd puppies. We got covered in mud and made total messes of ourselves while the humans watched (they seemed resigned to it). It was just awesome. I felt like a puppy yesterday. A good day to be alive.

It's raining today, but I think we're heading to the off leash park soon regardless. I'll be a happy disaster once we're finished.