This evening, I scared a calf and caused a minor goat stampede.

I am fulfilled.

I turned ten on August 9th!

It was a good birthday, starting with raw, delicious stewing beef mixed into my breakfast kibble. I had a great walk with my pack, and at dinner time, Diane and Cosmos showed up. We went for a walk and hung out for awhile.

I was a bit freaked out when Cosmos started sniffing the pork-hide bone my human got for me a few weeks ago. She handed it to me a few weeks ago and was all excited; I really couldn't have cared less about the thing and made that abundantly clear.

However, once Cosmos expressed interest in it, I had to consume it. And that's what I did - just sat there being rude, not visiting at all, eating my pork-hide bone. The human came home from her first day at a new job and I didn't even get up to greet her; just ate my bone. Oh, I looked up, but that's all I could afford to do.

Aunt Diane ratted me out, told the human I'd been desperately eating the thing since Cosmos noticed it and hadn't been doing anything else, and damned if the human didn't stride over, remove the bone from between my greedy paws and tell me I was being a bad hostess.

Hostess?

Wtf is that?

I'm a dog, for god sake - someone was threatening my secret food stash - I HAD to eat it immediately.

Anyway, I forgot out my irritation when the doorbell rang and my boyfriend Riley showed up.

*sigh*

Cosmos, Riley and I did some sniffing together for awhile and hung out before the human came out of the kitchen with some amazing pumpkin-kibble cupcake things with natural peanut butter icing. I had to endure the stupid candle thing again this year, but it was so worth it. We each got a cupcake and chowed down. My god, they were delicious.

Ohhhhh and Diane brought me some dried up bull penises as a present!

My stomach was truly happy at the conclusion of my tenth birthday.

I'm really having trouble with my back and hips lately.

Tonight I struggled again to go up the stairs to bed.

The human and the vet are trying to make it feel better for me, but right now, man, it hurts.

I like to give welcome gifts when people come to the den. I wiggle around the house, searching for just the right gift to bestow upon them. It's a critical part of the welcome ritual for me.

Sometimes it's one of my stuffed animals, other times it's a shoe, boot, flip flop, slipper. Once I gave my dog walker one of my human's bras. Another time, I rooted out a fresh loaf of bread from the shopping bags and carried to to my human to welcome her home.

The other day, when Wayne, my dog walker arrived, I felt I wanted to give him something new and different instead of his usual welcome gift (my kong).

I looked around, and my gaze landed on a box sitting by the basement stairs, waiting to go down.

It was filled with things wrapped in newspaper. I chose one of the items, pulled it out of the box, removed it from its newspaper wrapping and delivered it to Wayne.

He seemed to like the cannister lid.

Who wouldn't?

My human appeared to be somewhat confused by the newspaper carelessly laying on the living room carpet and the lid sitting on the kitchen counter - but it didn't take her long to put two and two together.

She called me a "goof".

??

In the end, I decided to bite his head off.

Best way to kill a vampire.

Unfortunately for me, the human intervened and Edward survived, with only a slightly mangled ear.

Great.

So, if I look like some werewolf from a stupid vampire movie, according to that guy the other night, I thought to myself, what duties and responsibilities come with that?

Did some research and was happy to learn that as a werewolf, I am capable of killing vampires.

Who knew?

Convenient, since I am really, truly sick of listening to the human go on and on about some fictional sparkly vampire named Edward.

I located this plastic version of the Sparkly One, and decided to test my werewolf skills. Edward received a thorough sniffing, and I considered chewing off his right hand...

Lusting after ducks and cursing the leash