Friday, May 30, 2008

Strange Week

I don't know what's going on. Monday, the human got up early, walked me and then got all dressed up and left me for the entire day. Louisa came by in the morning, which was great. She took me for a walk, and that was lots of fun. She dropped me off at home, I napped and then waited for Lesli to come home. She finally made it at dinner time - omg, was I happy to see her! We had dinner, went for a nice walk, and then relaxed together for the evening.

She did it again Tuesday. She took off on me. Got all dressed up, left me for the day. Louisa came by again and walked me around the neighbourhood. I was restless Tuesday night, and a bit grumpy. Who could blame me. I'm a dog. I like routine. I like certainty. And my life was two days into being tossed in the air. I didn't know what was going on. So, the human took me for a swim in Lake Ontario Tuesday night and I slept after that.

Wednesday - she did it yet again. Same routine. So, I'm starting to think, this is our new routine and we've had a change in our pack. She keeps saying something about "working" and "earning money for your food". Huh? Whatever. I guess I'll just go along with it. I get to see Louisa and Quinn more, which is good. And I can nap in the afternoon now without being assaulted by the human constantly, telling me how cute I am and kissing me.

We had a great hike at Bronte when she got home last night. I swam in the creek, sniffed a lot of things, ate too much grass.

The weekend is here, so my human and I can spend some quality time together, which will be great.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Sucking up

You, not unrealistically, likely read the title of today's blog and thought, oh man, what did that crazy dog do now that she's sucking up to her human?


So wrong.

It's very much the other way around.

And after what this human has put me through over the past three days, she had better be sucking up. Cause I'm one pissed off dog.

It started with her friend Rosalind showing up Wednesday.

I thought my human was a few curds short of a poutine.

Ros makes her seem normal. (almost)

After a day filled with ridiculous unpredictability, they topped it off by tossing hot pink nail polish into the air instead of passing it to one another. It created a Pollack-esque design on the carpet, which my human will be working to remove for days.

I don't really care about the carpet. But I do care that I was standing there when this happened, and I'm not thrilled with the hot pink designs on my black fur.

I like Ros. But the two of them together are too much for any dog to bear.

Fast forward to today. Up early. Nice walk. Rushes me to Bronte. Then, takes off for a few hours. Comes home. I give her my platinum greeting. What do I get in return?

Stuffed into the car and hauled off to the damned vet, where they pulled, poked, prodded and tortured me.

They stuck needles into me.

And they stuck their fingers up my butt.

My anal glands are blocked, so they thought they'd do me a little favour and clear them.


I screamed, cried, put on the best show I could. You could hear it in the reception area. No way I planned to suffer the pain and indignity quietly. FORGET IT.

They brought me out to my human after torturing me. Usually I'm glad to see her - I'm always, like, oh my GOD, do you have ANY idea what THEY did to me back there????

But now I know better.

She is complicit.

I refused to look at her.

I tried desperately to get to the door, and steadfastly ignored all of her "Boo boo! I love you!" crap.

We got into the car. She asked for a kiss. I obliged - but just a quick one.

So guess what she did? She took me home, and took me right over to the lake for a swim! Then, I got extra meat in my dinner. Now I'm resting, she's hugging me constantly and telling me she loves me.

That's right, sister. Keep it up.

(I'm slightly distressed by something I heard her tell grandma on the phone...they could only get my left anal gland done...right one too sensitive and they thought I'd had enough for one day...I'm back tomorrow for the right side to be done? No. Must have heard that wrong)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Ho hum

Wow, it's been a week since I've blogged. I guess not much has been happening around here to write about. Same old days - up, walk, breakfast, nap, hike, nap, walk, dinner, nap, pee, bed.

The human has been uber-boring this week.

She did let me do a pre-wash on an angel food cake pan (picture included). I worked very hard to please her, and took about twenty minutes to ensure I cleaned every nook and cranny in that pan. I expect she was satisfied with my work.

But then again, who can tell with humans. They're so inconsistent.

Take this morning, for example.

Normally, I drink out of the big water dish upstairs.

I believe it is commonly referred to as a "toilet".

I don't get in trouble for using this water dish. It appears to be an accepted custom in our den.

So, why then would the human get all agitated and shoo me away when she's apparently drinking out of the toilet? She had her head in it. I can only assume that's what she was doing. I just wanted to join in. The two of us, having a drink together. Seemed kinda fun to me. So I saddled up beside her, said hi, and proceeded to push my snout in there, too.

But, nooooooooo. She shoved me away.

I went to get a drink there awhile later, and that was ok with her.

I just don't get it.

They think we're confusing?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


A girl is allowed at least one relapse after she says she is over a guy, right?

I think that's realistic and fair.

Mostly because I had one this morning.

It started with the grey pickup truck that was backing out of a driveway we passed on our early walk. I saw it - and I thought, MIKE???? I pulled so hard on my leash to get to the truck and find out if it really was him, if he had finally returned to me.

Even as we walked away, I turned and gazed at the truck while the human dragged me.

A few minutes later, there was another truck. Again, if I had been off leash, I would have run after it like it was a long lost love.

Frankly, every truck that passed us this morning gave me hope. I looked at each one with renewed excitement and hope, and tried to run after them all.

But none of them was Mike.

I had a good play at Bronte with my friends. I think that has helped me to shake this off.

Hopefully this will be my last relapse.

I was doing so well!

Saturday, May 10, 2008


OMG OMG!! I almost caught a squirrel this morning! ON LEASH!

Stupid squirrel.

It was playing with three of its friends among some big trees. I stalked them, slowly making my way over to where they were. They all ran up a tree. I sprinted over, figuring the usual would happen - they would make it safely up the tree, I'd sit at the base of it and bark before the human snapped my collar and told me to shut up.

But one of the squirrels, clearly the mentally challenged one, ran back down the tree right to where I was waiting. It happened so fast - squirrel came down, ran right under my nose, I gave chase, squirrel got confused, went left, right, stopped - I did the same.

It was right by my mouth.

If it wasn't for the leash, and the quick but shocked actions of the evil human, that squirrel would have been mine.

Wow, what a way to start my day.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Revenge is sweet...and tasty...

It has become clear that I have been abandoned by the man I love (ok, one of them, anyway).

I've waited and waited and waited.

And he has not returned.

Now I understand, he isn't coming back.

I am not amused.

In fact, I'm rather pissed off.

Like a girl in a Carrie Underwood song, I am a dog lookin' for some payback.

Girls, when you want revenge, don't waste your time on things they don't care about.

As I looked back on the happy times we had with peanut butter - him smearing it on my nose while I frantically tried to lick it off, letting me lick peanut butter knife - the choice became clear.

I had to destroy his peanut butter.

That crummy, hydrogenated oil-filled PC peanut butter he loves so much.

First I licked it clean.

Then I chewed the living hell out of it.

It suffered - and I feel infinitely better.

As Carrie says (modified slightly), 'Maybe next time he'll think before he leaves...'

Sunday, May 4, 2008


What a great day.

It started with an early morning walk. The sun was rising, the birds were busy, the air was cool but not cold. Perfect for a girl with a thick fur coat. We walked for a long time, I sniffed a lot of air, peed on plenty of other dogs' pee and left my mark all along our path. We stopped at our spot on the lake, and a flock of seven trumpeter swans flew right by us and landed. I didn't even try to chase them - I just stared at them. It was freaky.

After our walk, we had breakfast. Mine, as always, was delicious. Then I got to lick Lesli's plate after she had her breakfast. I followed that with a great nap (interrupted only twice by the human petting me).

We went to Bronte mid-morning for an off leash romp. It was sunny, still cool, and perfect. I ran, jumped in a few puddles, met a couple of dogs, sniffed the air, peed a lot and chased a few birds. On our way home, I got to lick Lesli's mocha cup. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Next up, a peanut butter kong (with crappy PC peanut butter....ahhhh, memories....) and fresh treats in my treaty ball. The human left. I licked my kong clean, played with my treaty ball for awhile, and then just really wanted a good, long, uninterrupted nap. I curled up in the wingback chair and snoozed.

The human came home, and I was so freaking excited to see her. I haven't felt that happy in a few days. I wiggled and cried and gave her one of my premium greetings. After she had lunch, my human said "Boo Boo, do you want to go to Bronte again?". I looked at her and cocked my head in disbelief. Bronte? Again? HELL YEAH!!! She packed me into the car, and off we went.

This time, we went to a different spot. I didn't get to go off leash, but it didn't matter - it was an awesome walk. We went through trails that were packed with trilliums, down to the creek so I could have a swim. Then we went through some marsh area to a trail not many people know about and climbed a super big hill. I saw pigs (and was pulled away before I could really have fun and bark at them) and a peacock and squirrels. We followed a little deer trail through a field - it was awesome. The human and I hung out in that field for awhile. She laid down in the grass and watched the hawks and turkey vultures, and I laid down beside her and ate the grass around me. It was so great, just hanging out in a field with my human, eating grass.

Until I saw what appeared to be a massive killer bird headed our way. I alerted, started to bark at it and warn it, stay back, bird! Don't you dare come near my human and me! It didn't listen. I barked more, and that got the human's attention. She started to laugh. I was, like, wtf? This isn't FUNNY! This huge killer bird wants to eat us!!

Apparently, this large pink bird is called a "kite" and is not a threat.

Uh, ok.

How was I supposed to know?

I'm sleepy again. Heading down for a long nap.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

STILL waiting...

Mike has a lot of nerve leaving me for this long.

I'm trying to be patient, but it's getting harder.

Every time a car door closes outside, I get excited and start barking. But it's not him.

I've tried to chase a couple of trucks, but to no avail.

Tonight my human did something really mean. She said "Boo, where's your boy?". In all fairness, I suppose she didn't think I would know what that meant.

Hello? German shepherd brain? I'm smart, dammit. I knew exactly what it meant! I cocked my head, just to ensure I had heard her correctly, and when she repeated it, I thought, OMG, he's HOME!!! So I jumped up and ran to the door and started to bark!

But, no Mike.

I'm back to being depressed and moping around the house now.

The human says I'll get used to not having him around. I just don't know when, though.

At least I have his hat and his peanut butter.

Friday, May 2, 2008


Mike went out yesterday after lunch. I'm still waiting for him to come back. It's taking a long time - I wonder where he is? I sniffed his baseball hat. Wagged my tail A LOT and looked for him in the hat - but it appears he isn't in there.

Grandma and Grandpa came to visit late yesterday afternoon. Usually I'm over the top excited to see them. I was happy, but it wasn't long before I just felt blah again. I spent a lot of time laying around last night.

Waiting for Mike to come home.

I'm a bit concerned, because I sensed sadness in my human yesterday. And all of his things are gone from our guest room.

But I'll keep waiting.

He'll come back.