Thursday, June 28, 2007

Dog Environmentalist

Listen, I ate the upstairs garbage because I thought it was important to divert the waste from local landfills, ok??

Just trying to do my part to keep our planet clean for future generations.

You can thank me later.

God knows, my stomach is not thanking me.

Monday, June 25, 2007


She finally caught me eating the toilet paper on the wall...with her camera nearby.

I only look ashamed because I knew it was what she was going for in the picture. I wasn't really ashamed.

It's getting hot again here in Burlington. Thank god for air conditioning. What a great invention. We only did one walk yesterday because it was so hot. I was dragging. I went for a swim in Lake Ontario, which helped. Slept the rest of the night. Today, I'm just being lazy. Best way to deal with the heat.

Friday, June 22, 2007


German shepherds are listed as the third most intelligent breed of dog, behind border collies at first and standard poodles at second.

I'm smart. I can't deny it. And I frequently use my intelligence for evil.

Yesterday, I dropped a treat in Kim's car. Couldn't reach it. There was a plastic cup in the way. So I used my teeth to remove the plastic cup, set it on the car seat beside me, and then reached down to get the lost treat.

Very intelligent, if I do say so myself.

In order to keep the humans confused, I often do things that make me appear to be a few curds short of a poutine.

Take last night's walk, for instance.

I knew the dalmation sitting on someone's front porch with a "Welcome" sign hanging around its neck wasn't real.

I don't think Lesli had to laugh as hard as she did when I put my hackles up and barked at it. I mean, really.

Show some respect for the third smartest breed here.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Back from Camp

Hey everyone - I've been away for about a week, up at camp while Lesli went to San Diego to visit friends, and see her ex dog. Camp was a blast. I got so smelly that Lesli had all the car windows open on our drive home. I will never understand humans and why they don't like it when we smell so good.

On our drive Lesli told me about her ex dog. Cali came to live with Lesli and Jeff when she was a puppy. Lesli came home one day to find Jeff on the front steps and a little ball of yellow fluff playing on the lawn. Cali was a replacement for the dog Jeff's mom had loved and recently lost. She stayed with them a short time before Jeff took her to her new home in Wyoming. Lesli fell in love with her. She was the first dog Lesli loved as an adult. And it was intense. So, Cali went to her new home and Lesli and Jeff got regular updates on how she was doing.

Cali wasn't very old when Jeff's mom died, and Jeff and Lesli brought Cali home to San Diego. During the two years they all lived together, Lesli's dog love intensified. When she returned to Canada in 1998, she said that leaving Cali almost killed her. She had to pull off the road to cry. She saw Cali again in 2000, and hadn't seen her since.

So seeing Cali, at 11 now, after not seeing her for over seven years, was pretty intense. And Lesli said it was wonderful. They walked and hung out, went to Starbucks so Lesli could read and Cali could rest on the sidewalk.

Apparently, this dog has no reaction to skateboarders and joggers and other dogs - not sure what's up with that, but to each his own, I guess.

She is part golden retriever, and has the mask of an older dog now. Still gentle and sweet and will still gaze into Lesli's eyes while she talks to her.

And when Lesli left her Tuesday morning, she could barely see the road for the tears. When her plane took off, the tears poured down her face. A flight attendant brought her kleenex and humoured her by looking at pictures of Cali on her digital camera.

I suppose the human heart is limitless. There is no limit to their love - at their best, they are a lot like us. They love many, and love them intensely and without reservation. I know she loves me just as much, and that, as hard as it was for her to leave Cali behind again, she was filled with joy when she saw me.

I kind of sensed she was sad, so I snuggled close to her last night when she fell asleep.

After the bitch gave me a bath.

Hopefully she will see Cali again. In the meantime, I know Cali is in her heart. And she is the reason Lesli has me.

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Case of the Missing Muffin

Throughout history, there have been thieves.

Great thieves. Not so great thieves. Brilliant thieves. Moronic thieves. Dashing Hollywood thieves - Cary Grant in To Catch a Thief. Pierce Brosnan in The Thomas Crown Affair. The Kissing Bandit on the Flinstones. He even left a single red rose behind after robbing his victims. (I leave slobber)

These ones are thieves you can't help but love.

They're not evil.

Just playful.

And very good looking. Dark, smouldering good looks and charm.

They can't help but steal. It's the challenge. The game. The reward. They even steal from those they love.

And only ask forgiveness if they are caught.

It is in the great tradition of those dark, good looking thieves you can't help but love that I walk.

Storm. The Great Muffin Thief.

My conquests are many.

A muffin left in the car today by Kim, my wonderful dog walker. I suppose she thought her muffin was safe since she was in the car with me. She knows otherwise now.

An entire package of soup left in a pot on the stove. (and, might I add - without the pot leaving the stove or hitting the kitchen floor)

A significant amount of chocolate kahlua cheesecake cooling on the back of the stove.

A giant bag of super rich dog treats left on the back of the counter.

A loaf of freshly baked bread taken from within a plastic grocery bag set on the floor for just a moment.

A pound of butter from the kitchen counter.

I am legendary.

I get caught. Regularly.

How do I avoid being sent to the big house?

Wiggle my ass. Ears flat back. Wag my tail. Pretend I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry.

Heh heh.

Works every time.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Respect Your Elders

This is something we dogs live by. And if some young kid forgets it, we teach them. In no uncertain terms.

Lesli dropped me off at my favourite camp this morning. She has to go to a conference this weekend, so I'm spending the weekend at the kennel. I love this place. I love Tracy - she's a great alpha dog to all of us. Tracy and Wendy have a farm with a big fenced play area for us to hang out in. We all sleep together in a big family room at night. It's a blast.

When we got there this morning, another dog had just been dropped off. He looked a bit like me, but I could tell he was younger. He was inside the fence with Tracy. He went into territorial protection mode when we arrived. I just ignored it and headed toward the horses. I wanted to give them a piece of my mind.

Lesli tried to get me to go into the fenced area, with Barky going at it. No way in hell. I dug in.

So, she put a treat into her hand to lure me in.

It worked.

Except there was no treat. She tricked me.

But I was inside the fence with Tracy and Barky.

Barky sniffed me, tried to make himself look bigger by throwing his hackles up. I let him sniff me. No big deal. I sniffed him. Determined he was still a puppy. Maybe about a year old.

Lesli and Barky's owner stood by their cars on the other side of the fence, talking with Tracy.

Next thing I know, Barky's giving me attitude. Up close.

Uh, I don't THINK so.

So we went at it. Full on. Teeth bared. Growling. I let him know this is not how you treat your elders. And if you try it, you will suffer for it.

Tracy just watched us. I guess she knew we weren't likely going to bite each other.

It took him awhile to get the message. But he did.

He started licking my mouth. Showing me the respect I deserve.

Smart guy.

These are the lessons we dogs all end up learning. If we're lucky. Otherwise, we end up in a lot of trouble down the road.

My dad had to bite me to get the lesson through to me. Believe me, I got it then.

And I think Barky got it today.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Crazzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyy Wet Dog

I don't know what it is about being wet - but it makes me nuts. As soon as I've been in a lake, river, or puddle - or survived the hell of a backyard rinse or bath - all I want to do is run. Like Superman goes into a booth as Clark Kent and comes out in his cape as Superman, I go into the water as Storm...

...and come out as Crazy Wet Dog (cue superhero music).

ALL over the house or yard or wherever I am - I am like a dog possessed, running and jumping and wiggling my ass all over the place.

Tonight, I think I had the best time ever.

Lesli and I went to Bronte - it was a perfect night for an off leash run. After a week of heat and humidity, it's 13 degrees tonight. I found my big mud puddle twice - it felt great. Ran through the long grass after my dip. But my paws and belly were muddy, so I ended up in the yard when we got home for the dreaded rinse.

Then...I ran.

Into the house.

Up the stairs.

Lesli could hear the thuds coming from the second floor as I ran up and down the stairs...jumped on a bed...smashed my face into the the bed...onto another bed...(yes Grandma, I jumped on your bed. I'm sorry.)....then we played chase through the house...and I flew onto the bed so fast that I almost overshot it.

What pure joy. What a marvellous feeling.

Life is wonderful, isn't it?

Sunday, June 3, 2007

A Burlington Saturday Night

Grandma came to visit last night, and we did the most amazing thing. We went for a ride in her car - and it has no roof!! Lesli and I sat together in the back and she kept me on my leash - let me tell you, it was incredible. I could smell so many things while we drove. The wind was going through my fur. We drove by people and bikes and dogs and houses - and ended up at Dairy Queen. People kept looking at me, smiling. One guy asked me "And what are you going to get?" as we sat in the long drive through line. We got ice cream cones - Lesli shared hers. I tried to bite the whole scoop of ice cream from the cone, but she thwarted my valiant efforts.

I love this convertable thing! I think we need to get one!

It has been really hot. Lesli and I have just been going for short walks. I get so hot. I've been pretty lazy, just hanging around a lot.

She brought what appears to be a large purple water dish home for me on Friday night. Used the garden hose to fill it with water and put it in the yard. It's a great water dish. She keeps saying something to me about getting into it. Not sure what the hell she's talking about.