Tuesday, December 23, 2008

We've had some "pack madness" over the past week or so. Human and I drove to the airport one afternoon. I was restless; I knew something was up. We parked in a huge garage, she left me in the car - and returned with Adam! I screamed and squealed and tried to squeeze myself out through the back hatch in order to reach him. They stood there and laughed at me. Eventually, my mom took me out of the car so I could provide Adam with my full greeting. He stayed with us for a couple of days, then, grandma showed up. Again, overwhelmed with joy, I raced around the house frantically grasping toys I could offer as welcome gifts. Next thing I knew, they were both gone. Just my human and me. I sulked, cried, looked for them. Adam came back, but not grandma. One night, my human went out. I waited at home, rolled my treaty ball around for awhile, napped. Heard the garage door open...got all excited...went to the door to greet her - it was my human, but also - ADAM! And....NIKKI!!! Christ, I could hardly stand it.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, Richard showed up Friday. Seriously...I

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Every morning, the human and I go for a long walk.

Many of those mornings, we are nearly hit by idiot drivers while we cross a well lit major intersection at Burloak and Lakeshore. It's appalling.

We are sick of almost being hit by cars driven by people who just don't look.

We had a very close call this morning.

The human put her hands out kind of saying "wtf???"

The guy stopped his car, in the middle of the road.

He started yelling at us (apparently my human is a bitch and it's our fault because she was wearing a black coat and I'm all black).

I just stood beside her, watching it all go down.

Until he started to get out of his car.

That's when I let him have it. I made it abundantly clear that he had crossed a line, and that I was not prepared to let him go any further.

The human took me off umbilical, held my leash out as though she was ready to drop it, and asked him (perhaps not so politely) "Do you WANT to meet my German shepherd, fuckwit??" (I love my human).

At which point he got back into his car, advised her once again that she was a bitch - and a bad driver (apparently he forgot that she was actually not driving a car?) and drove off.

Friday, November 28, 2008

I think I liked it better when the human wasn't speaking to me at all.

I didn't have to endure being called her "little poppet" when she came home.

Dear God.

Save me.


Thursday, November 27, 2008

My human and I had so much fun last night!

I was snoozing on my dog bed in the living room when she suddenly got up off the couch and motioned for me to follow her.

I did.

I was excited...wondering what was happening.

She motioned for me to sit.

I sat.

She motioned for me to stay.

I stayed, and watched her.

She went upstairs.

I continued to sit and stay.

Then I heard "STORM!". OMG, it sounded like it was coming from somewhere upstairs. I ran up the stairs, and into the bedroom, which is where I thought the sound came from. I stopped in the doorway for a few seconds, stayed very still so I could listen, but I didn't hear anything.

I turned around, went into the bathroom, looked around, nosed the garbage bin. She wasn't there.

I heard it again. "STORM!".

OMG! Back into the bedroom! This time, I looked around, sniffed by my dog bed, sniffed under the bed. She wasn't there.


I headed back out into the hallway and checked out the guest room.

No human.



I ran back into the bedroom, sure the sound came from that vicinity. Looked around some more, stood still with my tail and ears up.

I heard a sound...coming from the closet...it was open just a bit...so I ran over...and THERE WAS MY HUMAN! I found her! We had a huge celebration. I picked up a slipper to offer as a celebratory gift.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


I had a sleepover at Auntie Diane's Sunday night! Cosie and I had such a good time. We met up at Bronte at 11am and all went for a walk.

Saw Hughie for the first time in ages - was strange though, because Jade is always with him. But she wasn't there Sunday...my human asked Hughie's human about Jade, and her mom started to cry. Jade was abused, and her kidneys were damaged because of it. They gave out, and she's gone. I bet she's glad that the latter part of her life was so awesome, thanks to her new human. I'll miss Jade. She was an awesome huntress - she got more bunnies than I did.

After our walk, I got into Cosmos' car and my human drove off in hers (I saw her staring at me as I drove off). My bed and my food were with me so I was cool. It was a fun sleepover. They made chicken there - real chicken, not the fake crap my human eats - omg, I tried SO hard to make them give me some.

Then Monday, Diane took me back to my house. I hung out for awhile - and then Louisa showed up, which was totally exciting. We had a walk, and I was a very good dog for her. A couple of hours later, grandma showed up! OMG! And then - my human came home! I was so freaking happy!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

We had our first snow last night! The human and I went for a super long walk in it when she got home from work. I was really excited when we walked out the door. I love snow. I sniffed a lot of it while we walked, she laughed when I ended up with little mountains of it piled up on my nose. We went down into the woods for awhile, sniffed around and watched the big fat flakes coming down between the trees. I think we walked for about one and a half hours; when we got home, we were cold and tired but happy. Oh, and we played hide and seek when the human got home! It took me awhile to find her the first couple of times, so, when I did, I was over the top happy. I celebrated the last find by choosing a stuffie from my basket and offered it to her.

Uh, oh. Gotta run. Louisa and I are locked out of the house!!!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

It has been a busy week! We had a killer hike in the fall leaves Sunday. The human and I went to the Bruce Trail, and I got to do the whole hike off leash. She held onto me once, when we met up with a family with two little girls. I got to say hi to them, since I was behaving well. One of them had a stuffed panda in her pocket....omg, I wanted to steal it soooooooooo much. The hike was a bit hard because I appear to have pulled something when I took off after a deer at Bronte Saturday, but I still had fun.

We went to Bronte yesterday at dusk, did some super fun exercises in the model airplane area before we did an off leash walk. The human and I ran around posts, picnic tables, up and over picnic tables and then had huge celebrations after we finished. She made me sit and stay in the field, then she'd walk away. She didn't say anything to me, but I sat and stayed anyway. Once we'd done that for a few minutes, she knelt down and called me and opened up her arms. I ran to her so fast the first time that I knocked her over! I was just so excited!! Anyhoo, it was a good time.

In order to make it clear that perfection is not on the agenda, I ate a pair of her underwear this morning.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

This. Is. Just. WRONG.

Quinn, come live with us before this happens to you again next Halloween.

I'll have a chat with your mom on one of our afternoon walks and arrange your rescue.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Saturday night party

Hi everyone! I'm back! The human picked me up Saturday afternoon. I was SUPER happy to see her. I grabbed all sorts of things as offering gifts - a shoe, my food dish, my bed. OMG I could hardly stand it. We got into the car and drove home, and I barked all along Lakeshore Rd. to let all the other dogs know the bitch is back. We parked, she opened the door to the house and I ran inside, sniffing and making sure everything was as I left it. I was restless, so the human took me for a long walk. She let me do what I wanted - so I got to sniff all the key p-mail spots, get my updates and leave my calling card. She petted me lots on the walk and we had fun.

Later that night, the doorbell rang. Her friend Jill was there! I greeted her happily. The human put me on umbilical and took me outside. Damned if there weren't three huge dogs in Jill's car. I briefly let them know what I thought about that, then sat down beside Lesli while they disembarked from the back of the vehicle.

I met them one by one. First Ginger, then Smudge, then Ruby. I went back into my house, and they started to come to the door. I stood in the doorway and reminded them all - loudly - that this is MY house (that is, until I was rudely jerked by the collar...I stopped then). They came in and it was pretty fun in the end. I sulked for awhile behind the loveseat (with my treaty ball - I paraded around with it, knowing they all wanted it and letting them know it was mine). After awhile, though, our leashes came off and we totally had a good time together. We hung out in the living room, in the back yard, and I tried to get Smudge to chase me with my pink stuffed pig in my mouth.

The humans kept saying they were proud of me. Jill was talking to me (nice, since my human hasn't spoken to me in two weeks).

They left, and I slept like a puppy.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I raided the garbage this morning and found a toilet paper roll. Chewed on that while the human was getting ready for work. It was quite tasty. Yesterday I stole a cookie from her purse (she doesn't need it; just helping her; she got it back though).

Lesli is going to Ottawa tomorrow, so I'm staying with Auntie Diane and my BFF Cosmos until Friday night. I love visiting them and hanging out with Cosie. Every dog needs a "dog's night out" with friends now and then. I'll get a few of them this week!

I'll update you all once my typist returns from Ottawa.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Change is never easy, is it?

For the record, I am mourning the loss of these days.

It is now very clear that I'm never going to be allowed on the bed or furniture again. I let my feelings about this be known in no uncertain terms yesterday. I was an ass, basically. I tested the human pretty much all day. I barked at every dog I saw. I barked at Estelle, our neighbour, and Calais, our canine neighbour. I sulked in the yard and hid behind the chaise lounge after I was popped on the nose for doing that. I lashed out at a man walking toward us in the dark yesterday morning. But, at the end of the day, when it was time to go to bed, I was tired. I just laid in my dog bed and gave up the fight to get into the big bed. At least for last night.

This morning, I considered joining her on the couch for our morning mocha snuggle. I decided, instead, to lay on the floor.

We did have a bit of a snuggle last night. I was sleeping on the floor at the top of the stairs. She came and laid down beside me. She seemed weary, too. I stretched and laid my paw on her arm, and we had a sleep together.

Both of us were tired out yesterday from all the change. I'm still a bit confused by it, and I expect she's missing all the hugs and pets she usually gives me (I'm not missing those!). She misses sleeping with me because there was a warm, fuzzy body nearby; I'm missing it because, well, it's just what I'm used to.

We will press on and come out the other side happier.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The fun continues

I gave up more quickly last night. I tried to get onto the couch, tried to get onto the loveseat, settled into my dog bed. When we went to bed, I put my paws up onto the bed for my usual lift up. Instead, she took my paws, set them onto the floor and led me to my dog bed. I just gave up and laid down. It's really comfy, and it is right beside her bed, so essentially we are still sleeping right next to each other, it's just that she's higher now.

On our walk this morning, some moron came flying out of a driveway on his bike and turned to come right at us on the sidewalk, in the dark. Clearly an Einstein award candidate. He frightened both of us. I barked at him, the human led me off the sidewalk and stood in front of me so I sat down. I felt calm more quickly than I would have before.

Oh, and last night - this is totally freaky - while we were on our evening walk, I was trotting along beside her, and a squirrel was about six feet from me on a lawn. I glanced at it, but kept on walking.

I find myself following her around the house a lot more lately. We played hide and seek again last night, which was fun. But after that, everywhere she went, I went. When she cooks, I lay on the kitchen floor. When she has a shower, I lay outside the bathroom door. If she's on the computer, I'm just outside in the hall. I used to be much more independent than this - although, last night I did enjoy a bit of fresh air while laying out in the yard on my own.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

She's not kidding

I tested the human last night.

After we got home from our run at Bronte.

I decided to get up and join her on the couch. Surfed it, put my paw up. She pushed my paw off.

Confused, I stood there for a moment and tried to figure out what had just happened.

Stepped over to the loveseat, surfed it with my chin, decided if the couch was out of the question, the loveseat would do as a backup.

Damned if she didn't get up and push me off.

Again, I stood, confused. Contemplating my next move.

I headed to the wingback chair. Put my paw up.

Pushed off again.

Now I was put out. I stood there. Stared at the human. She stared back.

I tried the couch again.

Pushed off.

I tried the loveseat again.

Pushed off.

Jesus murphy.

I gave my dog bed a try. Apparently that was ok. I wasn't pushed off that.

We went to bed after awhile. I cried for her to help me up. She ignored me. Signaled that I should sleep on my dog bed. Fine. I did.

But during the night, I wanted up on the bed. I cried. I stared at her. I even barked quietly. She ignored me. I kept doing it. She guided me to my dog bed. This happened a few times during the night.

I admit, I'm confused.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Ok....I'm liking this...

Well, those days (to the left) are gone.

Change is hard but I suppose it's not always bad.

Last night, I received a clear indication that I am not allowed on the furniture anymore. I stepped up onto my loveseat and got ready to lay down. The human came over and pushed me off. I did not go easily. I was like, what are you doing?? She didn't say anything to me, just continued to move me off. After a few seconds of justifiable confusion, I chose my dog bed as a backup location and went to sleep there.

This morning, she was on the loveseat. I put my paw on the edge in preparation for getting up there - our usual morning routine. She put her hand in front of my face so fast that it startled me a bit - I aborted my plan to sit beside her on the sofa, opting to lay on the carpet in front of her instead.

I really don't know what's gotten into her. When she came home from work last night, she didn't speak to me. But I knew she was glad to see me - she knelt down and opened her arms wide, so I ran to her and we were happy together. Then she leashed me up and we went for a long walk together. Strange - but when a bulldozer went by, I felt calm. I hardly noticed it (I traditionally consider those mortal enemies that must be vigorously defended against). Same thing with a dump truck that went right by us on a side street, and an old lady in a walker. The human moved me over to the grass, out of old lady striking range, but she did it with her body and was calm. I ignored the old lady.

When we got home from our walk, we played the same game we played Sunday with that guy I liked. She made me sit and stay, then hid on me! I had to find her - omg, I was so freaking happy when I found her!!

I slept on my dog bed on the floor, beside her higher bed, again last night. Piper was actually with me. I didn't try to get onto the human's bed last night.

So, anyhoo, stuff is kind of upside down right now. But, I gotta tell you, it's not upside down in a bad way. I'm kind of relieved.

Monday, October 20, 2008


Sundays, we usually walk, hang out, go for a long hike, hang out, stuff like that.

I don't know what the hell was up with yesterday (but I think I like it).

We walked. Did the morning coffee thing. Next thing I know, we're in the car. Going for a hike, I figured. Until we ended up in a totally new place. It was cool - we walked up a big hill, explored this new park for about half an hour. Then we went into a room with a bunch of people and a few dogs. There was Maya, the golden doodle, Sophie, a pug (she was so totally funny looking!), Jersey, a mix but a really pretty dog with awesome eyes, me and another dog whose name I don't know. She's deaf.

And there was this guy. He came to take me from my human, paraded me around, looked really deeply at me - and, well, so much has changed since then. This guy, I liked him. He had some scratches on his arms, so I licked them for him. He's bossy - but you know, I can totally relax around him. Like, once, my human was eating something. I was sitting by her, and Jersey came over to check things out. I let it go for a few minutes, and when she overstayed her welcome, I gave her a few barks to tell her to get outta there. Then I figured I'd give her a few more. The guy came over, took my leash and, when I still didn't shut up, popped me and told me not to be rude.

I suppose he's the alpha and he can take care of those things instead of me.

It's really nice to be able to relax, to be honest. He got me to play a totally awesome hide and seek game with my human - seriously, it was a riot. I loved it. Apparently we're going to play it every day at home now.

I was exhausted at the end of the day. When we left, us dogs were all pretty relaxed around each other (unlike when we first showed up). The human went for dinner, I napped in the car. Next thing I know, that alpha guy is waking me up, sneaking up on my car. Trying to pull one over on me. They opened up the door, and I jumped out - without my leash - I didn't even contemplate taking off around him. Oh - and he made the human get rid of my prong collar. I have a new one now that doesn't hurt. It surprises me sometimes, but no pain! I like this guy.

My human is going to try to be more like him. She hasn't spoken to me since last night, so now I'm trying to read her body language. She wouldn't let me sleep in the bed, and I've heard rumours that I'm not allowed on the furniture anymore either.

Maybe, now, I can relax. Maybe now I won't have to protect us all the time. Maybe now, we'll play together.

Maybe now, I'll get to just be a dog.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Saturday Stampede

My human came back to get me today! I was beside myself with happiness when I saw her at the door. I grabbed one of grandma's gardening gloves as a gift offering and wiggled all over the place, squealing. We all hung out for a few hours at the house. Piper and I played, checked out the property a few times, sniffed trees etc. Then the human loaded me into the car and we hit the road.

My window was rolled down and it was a beautiful, sunny, cool fall day. I stuck my whole head out the window a few times. The air was fresh, there were smells and sounds filling each moment. I savoured it.

The best moment, by far, happened while we were driving down Northline. It's a nice country road with farms, trees, horses - and fields full of cows.

I had my head out the window when we drove by one of those fields. There must have been thirty or forty cows, adults and babies, grazing, a big group of them close to the fence bordering the road.

As we approached, I gave them my loudest, fiercest German shepherd bark.

They turned en masse - the babies, the grown ups - and ran! They freaked out and ran away from me!

It was a stampede! A Storm induced Stampede!

Immensely satisfied with this, I laid down in the back sleep and had a nap.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Thanksgiving in Kincardine

Here I am, at grandma and grandpa's place. My human drove off without me. Just like old times. Took me a few minutes to get over it, but, I'm over it.

I wonder if it's because I was such a horribly bad dog on the drive up here yesterday? Hmmmmm. Maybe I should reconsider my new strategy of barking the whole time - at cows, horses, hay bales, cars, trucks, animate objects and inanimate objects, pacing between the front and back seats and crying occasionally? Perhaps she found it, oh, I don't know, slightly irritating? Maybe she didn't enjoy stopping the car four times on the drive because she thought maybe I really had to poo - when all I did was get out of the car, have a pee and eat grass?

Maybe that's why she left me here?

I don't get it. What's her problem?

Suppose I'll make the best of it. Hang out with Piper and stuff.

We buried Bristol yesterday. Her ashes are in a box now in a grave in her favourite place to lay by the garden. I sure miss her. The humans were sad. Piper and I, well, we weren't. We just wanted to play. I would have played with him more if he hadn't been constantly pulling me around by my collar. I took it for a few minutes then told him to piss off.

Anyhoo, time to go lay on my fav dog bed here. Wonder what my human is doing.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Arthritis, my ass

WHO has arthritis? Not me! I ran like a puppy yesterday. I was nature dog, out in the woods, chasing chipmunks with unrestricted abandon. They were everywhere, little chirps warning each other that a predator approached. I scaled massive hills, lept across brush like a deer, swerved like a running back to avoid trees and other assorted obstacles.

Ok, so, I didn't catch a single chipmunk. Wiley little buggers, if you ask me. They can fit into teeny holes too, which adds an additional challenge.

I had such a fun time. Back to my evolutionary roots, in the woods, chasing prey.

Things have been quiet lately - hence, not a lot of posts. Just our usual routine.

I'm staying with grandma and grandpa this week, since mom is helping out with an election on Tuesday and then going to Vancouver for a conference the next day. It will be fun to hang out there and spend time with Piper.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

New Boy

I met a new boy. His name is Gunner, and he is a much younger man. He's ten months old, and, like me, he's a solid black German shepherd.

He is totally hot.

Met him in the park where I usually hook up with Riley.

Heh heh.

I'm a tramp.

Friday, September 26, 2008

I chased a bird away tonight

Went to Bronte tonight. Great night - not too hot, ran into Bentley and his mom. Good times all around. Until I spotted the bird. I'm used to chasing crows, seagulls, hawks, geese. If they fly by, I chase them away so they don't threaten my pack. But this bird, man, it was different. It was huge, and it appeared to be coming right toward us.

I stared it down, cocked my head, assessed the threat level and determined that it did, in fact, need to be chased away. I started to bark at it and took off at full speed across the tall grasses, chasing it while I looked up, barked and continued to track its progress. After a few seconds, the bird passed over us and appeared to have heeded my warning. It kept going.

Good decision, cause you don't wanna mess with me.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

My "Senior Exam"

I had my senior exam at the vet last night. Not sure if I should be offended by the whole "senior" thing. Suppose it means I am better, more important than the "non-senior" dogs, right? I can dominate them at will, get the best food, play with the best toys, etc. because I am senior. Yes, that is what I expect it means.

It went fine. No one touched my bum. Got a couple of shots, but I was so busy stuffing my face with treats, I barely noticed the needles going in. I do enjoy the treats at the vet. If they would only refrain from touching my bum when I visit, I might just learn to relax there.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

A very long hike

We got lost today on the trail. Lesli and I went up to a part of the Bruce Trail we haven't hiked in about five years. Used to be, there was a loop.

Not anymore.

The trail's got a lot of hills and we like it because it's rugged, not packed with people and it makes us work hard. For my part, I'm a big fan of the multitudes of squirrels and chipmunks. I can sometimes go off leash if no one is around and we're not near any private property, and then I love to chase furry rodents all through the forest.

Today, I was pretty excited when we arrived. There were a bunch of little black hoppy, chirpy things on the entrance path. I stopped to investigate them, tried to eat a couple, but they kept hopping away. We hit the trail and I had so much fun, going up and down hills, chasing chipmunks, playing in little streams.

After about an hour, I noticed the human start to get agitated. We kept walking but I could tell she wasn't happy. Still, we walked. Through corn fields, past a small lake (I got to swim!) and on and on and on and on. We heard traffic, and the human's spirits appeared to rise. She thought maybe it was Guelph Line, the street we parked on. We came to the street, saw a ladder that would take us over a low fence (just like the one we went over at the entrance to the trail) and thought, um, that's great, a ladder...but what the hell is that street?

It was Cedar Springs Road. Long story short - NOT good news for two tired girls. The human didn't even have water, and we had to turn around and hike all the way back the way we came. At least I had little streams to drink from. She was a bit grumpy for the first ten minutes, then we both just gave in and faced our fate. We were exhausted, she was thirsty, and we were in for a long, hard hike.

The moment we finally saw the ladder that signaled we were almost at the end, we were both elated. And then, we saw it. OUR CAR!!! OMG! Finally. I could barely climb into my seat. The human got in and downed a whole bottle of water. She headed straight for Second Cup, and I headed straight to the back seat for a serious rest.

I've been antsy all day since then. You'd think I would be unconscious. But nooooooooooo. I've had work to do - sparrows to bark at, squirrels to chase out of our yard.

I'm going to sleep VERY well tonight.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

There were squirrels...

In my house.

Last night.


In our guest room.

I was not given the opportunity to eat them.

I am not making this up.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

I'm back!

What a BORING weekend, after such a fun week. I spent five days with Auntie Diane and Cosmos. It was so much fun. We walked, went to the park, I made new friends, searched endlessly for ways to get into trouble at their house. Cosie and I hung out together the whole time I was there. I really had fun.

Then after a few days, we went to Bronte in the morning. I barked and barked and barked, all the way along the road to the off leash area. Auntie Diane let me out of her van, I looked up the path - and there was my human! She was back! I ran soooooooooooooooooooo fast to her, cried, jumped around and twirled in circles. I kept looking back at her, just to be sure she really was there. And she was! We walked, then went home. I had a nap while she worked in the office upstairs. Then, Louisa showed up! Yipee!!!! I was so happy to see her! We went for a nice walk, then I slept on the office floor while the human continued working.

The rest of the week has been a bit quiet. Lesli appears to be unwell, so we've been going on shorter walks. Hopefully she will recover this week. It has also been very hot and humid, so long walks have been out of the question for me for that reason, as well.

I had my weekly bath today. I'm getting better at tolerating it - but, man, do I hate all the hugs I get afterward. Apparently I'm all soft and fluffy and I smell "yummy" so she mauls me. Ugh.

Oh, I saw Riley a few times this weekend!

Friday, September 5, 2008

I caught her

Last night, after dinner, the human went upstairs. She does that sometimes. I usually just hang out in the living room by one of the air conditioning vents. It's too hot to follow her up. It sounded like she was busy up there, though, and she was up there for an unusually long time.

I decided to check things out.

And what did I find?

She had that big blue thing she used to have out all the time on the guest room bed. She was putting clothes into it.

She was PACKING!

I stood there, in the hallway, staring at her.

"What the HELL do you think YOU'RE doing?"

If I could speak, that's what I would have said. Since I cannot speak her language, I did my best to communicate my shock and displeasure with my eyes.

Apparently it worked.

"Oh, Boo Boo, you weren't supposed to see this"

It appears my human is leaving. I was confused the rest of the night. I knew something was up, but could not identify exactly what it was.

This morning, she has my travel food dish out.

I am confused.

Lowly human typist's note: Yes, I am leaving. Heading for Shreveport while Storm parties her little dog brains out with Auntie Diane and her best pal Cosmos. She will return next week to tell you all about her adventures.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

It's too damned hot

Seriously, it was nice and cool last week. Now it's hot and humid, so I melt whenever I go outside, and the bugs are out of control. Last night, on our evening walk, I was hot, uncomfortable and covered in little flies that try to bite me. I'll be happy when fall arrives, the bugs die and I can walk and run without thinking I may collapse from heat stroke.

The human is going away for a few days tomorrow. I am going to visit Cosie and Diane. I'll do my best to be a good girl. Unfortunately, Auntie Diane does not allow me to eat her cats, so that's kind of a drag. It will be good to spend some quality dog time with my pal Cosmos though.

I'm going to go back to laying around the house now. Louisa should be here for my mid-day walk soon.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Friday Surprise

My human took the day off today! We had such a fun day. We went to Bronte and I ran and ran and ran, rolled in a huge muddy puddle and had a generally awesome time. After that, it was home for a rinse, treaty ball, peanut butter kong and a good nap while the human went to the gym. When she came home, we hung out on the couch together, did some gardening (I barked at birds, she gardened) and then went for a walk by the lake, followed by dinner (always yummy, even if it is the same thing every night). Looks like she has three more days off to hang out with me - we're going to hike at Mt. Nemo Sunday with Cosie, which will be lots of fun.

It was a quiet week. No adventures to speak of. Morning walks (nice and cool in the mornings this week), naps, afternoon walks, naps, evening walks, sleeps. Saw Riley one night. I love him. I took his ball a few times. He pays me plenty of attention when I take his ball.

Sensed the human was eager for my protection last night. Looks like she met another winner - she was uncomfortable about whether he would listen to the crystal clear message she gave him to go away, or whether he'd do something weird. So I slept by her all night - nothing to worry about when I'm around. I have big teeth and a temper.

Gotta run - Burlington Post kid is here and I must bark at him.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I was a bad dog today

Look, I'm bored and my arthritis hurts and it's about two thousand degrees out, so I am also uncomfortable.

So don't blame ME for what happened.

She knows I don't like the little yippy dogs the old people in our neighbourhood walk. They always yip at me and I have an overwhelming urge to shut them up.

What she was thinking when she let me go up and say hi to one that came right out of one of the homes, I'll never know.

Suspect she was lulled into a false sense of security by the fact that the residence employee who was walking the little black furball was relaxed and that the so-called "dog" (more like a squirrel, if you ask me) just waltzed right up to me with no fear at all.

The human thought, ok, human and "dog" are relaxed, maybe Storm will be relaxed, too.

No way in hell.

I sniffed the furball. Then I attacked.

Unfortunately for me, the human retained just enough common sense to be prepared for that possibility and she yanked me back before I could really have any fun.

She told me to lay down on the grass. No way. I kept going crazy trying to get to the poodle.

The human finally won and I laid down. Then popped up again and started to bark. At that point, she pinned me. Didn't take me long to submit. Not in my opinion.

Unfortunately, that wee bit of fun set me up for a day of lessons and reminders that I am apparently not the boss around here and I do not need to attack nice poodles for no apparent reason, aside from being generally grumpy and hot.

I've had to work my ass off today. I've lost some privileges.

Oh, well. At least I got to have a swim later.

Friday, August 22, 2008

The baby mouse

Kind of a sad morning for both human and dog today.

Sad for me because I missed out on a meal opportunity.

We had a very good morning walk. Beautiful sunrise, plenty of bunnies out and about, squirrels to chase and pee to smell. I marked a lot of territory, chased a few bunnies and generally had an excellent start to my day.

When we got home, there was something new on the driveway. I stopped to sniff it, the human turned to see what I was sniffing and yanked me away to prevent me from eating whatever it was. She investigated, discovered that it was a teeny gray baby mouse. At first she thought it was dead, but then she noticed it moving.

She held me further away while she went in for a closer look. I assumed that, as pack leader, she had decided to eat it herself.

Instead, she picked the little guy up, walked over to the garden and set him down under a low bush. He was dying. His little eyes were closed, he was moving his legs a bit. He reacted when she picked him up but didn't have the strength to fight. The human laid him on some soft leaves under the bush so he could die in peace.

I wanted to go over and put him out of his misery immediately but she wouldn't let me.

I was sad because I couldn't get the mouse, and she was sad because the mouse was dying.

What a pair we are.

Friday, August 15, 2008


That's what the human has named our river otter friend.

He lives across the street. We see him occasionally - sometimes swimming, sometimes he pops his head up between rocks and looks at us.

This morning though, he was uber friendly. And I was too shocked and confused to utter a sound.

While we were standing on the rocks, we saw him swimming. He swam under a rock directly beneath us, and disappeared. We watched for a few seconds, then were about to walk away when he suddenly popped his head up and stared at us. I stared right back - couldn't figure out what the hell he was. He ducked back down into the rocks, we waited again and then started to walk away.

All of a sudden, he popped up again, right in front of us! He climbed up and out onto a rock, had a little shake to get the water off, and began to move toward us. Seemed like a friendly little fellow. I strained at my leash, trying with all my might to get closer, but the human stopped me. I was so shocked, I didn't even bark - was totally focused on figuring out what the hell he was and why he apparently had no fear in coming so close to me.

He eventually walked away, back to the safety of rock cover.

I looked and looked for him, but couldn't locate him. Meanwhile, the human was all, like, 'omg, Storm! That was sooooooooooooooooooooo cool! That was Bert, the river otter!!!!"

Sometimes, she embarrasses me.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

What a birthday

I honestly don't know whether my birthday was great or horrible. A bit of both, I would venture to say.

It started off well enough. Nice, cool morning walk. A relaxing ride in the car, after which we ended up in Kincardine. So far so good.

Until I walked into the house. All of a sudden, everyone was all over me because I smell. Like I can help it. I could sense it, my human started to get upset. Next thing I know, I'm on my way to the freakin' vet for my birthday. It was a nice place. The lady behind the counter loved me, in spite of my unique scent, and kept feeding me totally delicious treats. So I thought, hey, this is a pretty cool birthday treat.

Next thing I knew, I was in an exam room. More treats. All good.

Then, I was being led to the back by the vet.

That's when things turned sour.


They started goofing around with my anal glands again. OMG, did it hurt. I screamed and yelled and cried. It went on forever. It was horrible. Just horrible. Happy freaking birthday to me, eh?

It finally ended and I ran like hell out of that office (after giving an 11-month old pug a good barking).

Things improved when I got home. The human gave me some steak for my birthday dinner - and, grandma made me my own birthday cake!! It was delicious. I ate it in one bite.

So, all in all, a great birthday and a terrible birthday.

Got some sad news yesterday. My good friend Daisy, who I visited and played with just last weekend, died. She wasn't feeling well when we were there, but her humans took her to the vet and were advised it was likely just age related arthritis. They did blood work, gave her metacam, and within a day of taking the metacam, Daisy was back to her old self, chasing her kong all over the place and crying for people to throw it. But yesterday, her grandpa found her struggling to breathe by the bedroom door. By the time he found the vet information, she was gone. I'm incredibly sad. We loved Daisy a lot. She was only eight, my age, way too young to die. We'll miss her a lot.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

I'm Eight!

Today's my birthday. Woke up to the usual embarrassing birthday song. So far, though, it has been a good one. The weather for our morning walk was nice and cool and sunny. I ate some delicious, fresh goose poo before breakfast, then followed that with kibble and duck. Mmmmmmmmm. Having a rest now before we pack up and head to Kincardine. Will be a good chance to nap in the car, bark at farm animals and then have a romp with Piper.

All in all, I am looking forward to a good birthday. Stay tuned for photos!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

I am a working girl

I'm an east German dog descended from a working line of German shepherds. My prey and work drives are off the charts, so it's important that I am challenged mentally and physically with various jobs. I am happiest when I complete them to the satisfaction of my human.

You may be thinking, well, Storm isn't a police dog, or a guard dog (that's what YOU think), she doesn't do Shutzhund or anything like that. So what the hell does she do to stay occupied and challenged?

I have a number of key roles in our pack, and I take them all very seriously:
  1. Guard the house from intruders
  2. Perform offical dishwasher pre-wash duties
  3. Rid parks across Burlington of squirrels
  4. Guard our car
  5. Guard against horses, cows, sheep or other livestock passed while driving (just in case they get it into their heads to jump into our car)
  6. Ensure the neighbourhood is effectively marked with pee, thus maintaining our claim on the territory
  7. Sit, stay, shake a paw, other paw, speak, bark and come on command
  8. Keep the territory free of birds I perceive to be up to no good
  9. Hunt for food (I primarily focus on rabbits and mice)
  10. Keep the territory free of cats
  11. Keep the floors in the house clean and remove any food particles that may land there
  12. Remove goose poo from lakefront parks in the city

I'm a hard worker - I take each of my jobs very seriously, and perform to the best of my ability. Particularly the dishwasher pre-wash and the goose poo removal. Those are critical.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Storm now doesn't like storms

Thunderstorms have never bothered me. Fireworks either. I sleep right through them - just couldn't care less.

That's changing though.

There was one morning a few weeks ago when I didn't want to go outside for my morning constitutional because of the thunder.

Last night, we had super loud storms. I wasn't totally freaking out or anything, but I admit to some extra panting. I also followed the human around very closely. The power went out for awhile. I noticed, and didn't like it at first. The human seemed calm, so I thought, what the hell, it can't be all bad, and went to sleep.

Suppose this is one more little tidbit I get to enjoy as I get older.

Monday, August 4, 2008

I am a good girl!

I heard that a lot this weekend - "You're SUCH a good girl!".

We went to Ottawa for the long weekend, and visited our friends Ann, Rob and Jack, along with Link, Daisy, Buddy and a new dog, Lucy. They live out in the country, and I love going to visit them. I chased a horse there last year - good times all round. I hate the pig, but aside from that...

We arrived, and I happily greeted Daisy (she's a German shepherd, same age as me) and Buddy (he's just a huge ball of fur). I saw Link and didn't bark. I met Lucy, the new girl in the pack, and didn't try to eat her. In fact, I quite liked her.

"Storm, good girl!"

Yeah, ok. Whatever.

Rob was home when we arrived. I used to have a crush on him. Tried to steal him from Ann one time when I stayed over there. It didn't work and I've moved on. But still, was glad to see him.

Ann came home and I was super happy to see her. Jack was with her. Man, has he changed. He's two now. Walking, talking, running, playing, making tons of noise. No fear of dogs - and he liked me a lot.

I was pulled, poked, prodded and harrassed all freaking weekend. Even though I can be one tough bitch, I knew full well I could do nothing about it.

When I ate my breakfast and dinner, he "helped" me by playing around in it and selecting key pieces of kibble to hand feed me. He pulled my dish out of my face, stuck his hands all over my snout while I ate. I just ignored it and kept eating.

Garnered me plenty more "good girl!"(s).

A couple of times he pulled my ear and it hurt enough that I cried out. But I still didn't do anything but sit there. He poked me in the eye with his finger - suppose he wanted to see what my eyeball felt like - and I let him. I looked at my human, who was always nearby, like I wanted to eat her, but I took it.

Two reasons why. First, I learned well - I know this cute little demon is a precious member of our pack.

Second, take a look at the photo. I should think it's self-explanatory.

My patience paid off when he plopped down beside me on the floor and opened up his yummy box of cookies for me. He fed me one after another, and even offered up the box so that I could stick my face right in and gorge myself.


Jack's my little bud.

I tell you though, am I ever wiped out after that weekend. I slept for the whole drive home, slept all afternoon, and I even cuddled with Lesli. It's gonna take me a few days to get over this toddler experience.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

I peed on a fish last night

The fish has been on the sidewalk outside our house for a few days.

Either this fish had super-hero strength but not the brains to accompany it, and he got there by himself, or, the more likely scenario, he was scooped out of the lake by a gull and dropped on the sidewalk. I haven't really paid any attention to him.

Last night, though, he caught my attention.

I stopped to give him a thorough sniff.

The human exclaimed, out loud, "Storm, you're not going to insult that poor fish's body by peeing on it, are you???"

I answered her immediately by lifting my back leg, aligning myself just right, and giving the fish a good pee.

Then I proceeded to sniff and give a quick lick to a discarded popsicle stick.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Hanging with my peeps

I had such a great day yesterday. Lesli took me to Bronte in the morning, and it was just like old times. I got to walk with Cosmos, Bentley, I saw Chance, and Diane and the other humans I know and love. It was great. Cosie and I ran in the creek, Bentley chased his toy, Chance got cookies for greeting us like a good girl (and we also managed to mooch some cookies). We ran, sniffed stuff, and generally had an awesome time. Boy, it felt good to run. Even if it was a bit hot.

When we got home, I had to have a bath cause I was pretty muddy and a bit smelly. I didn't cry during my bath - huge step for me. I still hated it, but I tolerated it a bit better than usual. The cold water felt good in the heat. Then, I slept all afternoon. I was a tired girl from all that exercise and socialization.

It's Monday now. The human has walked me, and left me to go to work. I'm about to have a long nap and wait for Louisa to come take me for a walk.

Friday, July 25, 2008

And your point is?

I barked at my dinner last night.

You read that right.

Not "I barked during my dinner".

I barked at my dinner.

And I really don't see what's so funny about it.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Still sick

Yeah, we thought things were better on Tuesday, but I was sick again yesterday and last night. The human and I didn't get much sleep again last night. Man, I've gotta stop eating so much crap. I forget what it does to me.

I'm napping today, trying to catch up on my sleep. The human has gone hunting or something. She must be tired, too.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Sick. Again.

I don't know what I got into, but I was sick again all last night. It started when we got home from Kincardine. I had to go out right away, and then it continued. Still, on our morning walk today, I went to the bathroom, like, five times. I feel like hell.

I'm trying to remember if I ate anything weird. It's all a blur. I just eat and eat and eat. Maybe it was stress. I did find the weekend a bit stressful at times, and that is guaranteed to upset a German shepherd's tummy.

Whatever the cause, it was a long night for the human and me. She just gave me a tiny bit of rice for breakfast, so I'm starving. Sure hope I can make it through the day without getting sick in the house.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Another weekend, another bath

It's been a busy weekend for a middle aged dog. We went to Kincardine Friday after the human finished work. I slept the entire way - except for when we were about ten minutes away from the house. I woke up because the car stopped. When I looked out the window (which the human rolled up very quickly upon stopping), there were horses on the road, and two dogs circling our car. I barked my brains out and told them in NO uncertain terms what I thought of them being so close to our car. It was a bit insulting to see how little they cared.

Lesli got out of the car, and so did a man in a car behind us. The man went to the farmhouse to tell the owners their horses were loose, and Lesli worked to keep the dogs off the road. My job was to bark and bark and bark and keep everyone alerted. I think I did very well. A lady came out to get the horses and dogs off the road, and we continued our journey.

I was really wound up after that, so I was super excited when we got to the house. I looked in through the back door glass, and I could see Piper - and Sophie and Evelyn! I went in and we all had an awesome greeting. I did some sniffing around the property and then just chilled out. I'm not used to being around kids - I would say I did very well with all the energy and hugs and poking and stuff.

They left the next day and things got quiet. Piper and I went for a walk and saw a bunny, and then chilled out in the air conditioning after our walk. Later on, the human gave me another damned bath. I didn't cry. I'm starting to just give up to the fact that she's gonna torture me with these things. One good thing - when she finished, there was plenty of property for me to run around on and roll in the grass and do the totally crazy wet dog thing!

I think we're heading home soon. I'll bark at a few cows and horses, and then have a nap in the car. It's hot, too, so I'm not really exerting any energy I don't have to.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Riley kissed me!

He did! He kissed me this morning! And he was all excited to see me - he pulled away and ran toward me! I played it cool and sniffed a post, pretending I didn't really care.

But, OMG, I was so excited!!!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Forced Confession

Apparently, it's one thing to steal food from your human's plate, or a kleenex from the garbage...or your human's car keys, blackberry...that type of thing.

It's another to steal from a store.

Uh, I am being forced to confess that I am a brazen thief.

I'm really sorry, but it's just my nature. I am a scavenger. And if you look away, I will pursue edible objects. And inedible objects.

If you take me into a pet store where there are all sorts of stunningly delicious smelling foods at nose level, well, what the hell do you expect??

I was thwarted at every turn tonight. While the human chatted, picked up my food rations, paid for said food rations, I tried to steal all sorts of things - roasted marrow bones, little treats in bags (so easy to open when you have canine teeth), pig's ears, bullwrinkles (know what they are?heh heh heh). But she kept popping me away from them with the leash.

Until her hands were full.

The moment I saw she was balancing her purse, a bag of canned food, a 75-pound German shepherd on a leash and a massive bag of Evo Reduced Fat dog food, I knew my chance had arrived.

I went for it, and stole a red pressed rawhide bone out of a box. She thought I was nosing around in stuffed toys. She didn't see the gift bags there with the rawhide in them.

By the time she noticed, not only was it too late, but she couldn't do a damned thing about it.

She confessed my transgression.

And I got to take my contraband rawhide with me.

She called me a 'klepto' all the way home.

We drove by Halton Regional Police headquarters, and kept our heads low.

None of the coppers saw us. Whew.

She's a good human, helping me to make my getaway.

However, I have been advised that I must apologize for my errant, criminal ways.

Uncle Lorne, I am very sorry I stole the rawhide bone.

(it really was delicious though...)

Friday, July 11, 2008

It's Friday, and it's storming

You'd think I would like storms. They're my namesake. But this morning, when there was a bit of thunder going on as we were preparing to leave for our first walk of the day, I wouldn't go out the front door. I was acting scared. The human tried to coax me, but I just looked at her and stayed inside. She tried using the magic word - "squirrel!!!" - I perked up my ears, looked around for the offending rodent-like creature, but no way was I stepping over the threshold, even for that. In the end, the bitch dragged me out. I was alright once she got me out. I guess I was afraid for nothing.

Had a great day yesterday. It wasn't humid, so the temperature was more enjoyable. We had an awesome morning walk, then I had a good walk with Louisa and a dip in the lake. Hung out with Adam, and then Lesli came home and took me to Bronte - where we saw Louisa and Quinn!! We walked there for about 45 minutes, I had a good run and got bitchy with a chocolate lab.

After all that exercise, I slept like a baby.

How would I have known the human had a camera on the nightstand?

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Uh, hi

Wow, have I ever been lazy about writing in my blog lately. It's just been so hot - I really haven't felt like doing much. I've chased the odd squirrel, a few birds, had plenty of good swims in the heat but my energy level is pretty low.

I'm a super happy dog right now because Adam is back at the den! He showed up Sunday at dinner time. I was beside myself. Honestly, I wasn't sure how to adequately express my joy. It was a bit overwhelming. I'm not sure how long he's staying but, as long as he's here, he is not getting out of my sight. The other night, he went out the door, and I stood by the door watching for him to come back in. After about five minutes, I changed my tactics and laid by the front door instead. He didn't come home all night. In the morning, I cried a lot. But he eventually came back.

I really love him. A lot.

What else is new...on Friday, I protected Louisa from a creepy guy who was stalking us. No one hurts the people I love.

Uh...had a nice walk with Riley over the weekend.

Was subjected to bath torture on Sunday (thus ruining yet another one of my attempts to win the Smelliest Dog in Burlington title).

That's about it - I'm going back to laying on the nice, cool floor for awhile.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Potentially great news!

My Burlington man might NOT be gay!

I saw him this morning - we haven't seen each other for almost two weeks, I think. He was actually excited to see me. He bounded over to me just like I was running toward him, we did a couple of play bows, he spent a good amount of time sniffing me, instead of ignoring me.

And, before we split up and continued on our walks, uh, how do I say this delicately...he was clearly VERY happy to see me...if you get my drift...


Friday, June 27, 2008

Hot again

It's wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too hot for my taste. I'm a lazy summer dog again.

Last night, the human took me to the lake for a dip. When she brought me home, I got a hose down in the back yard - then, Uber Crazy Wet Dog showed up. I ran all over the house, over and over again, scared myself, for god's sake. I was insane.

Louisa took me for a swim today. This is part of why I love her. She just knows - hot day + black dog + a dip in the lake = HAPPINESS for the black dog.

Suspect the human will take me back into the lake later tonight.

These are the days that make me love fall and winter.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

It LOOKED like a squirrel

I tried to eat a chihuahua yesterday.

Snack size. Tasty looking.

Who can blame me?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Men...I just don't know...

I'm thinking about joining a convent.

Do they have dog convents?

Could I still chase and kill bunnies there? Squirrels? Mice?

As long as the only thing I have to stay away from is men, I may consider it.

My taste in men, well, it sucks.

I was advised tonight that one of my first loves, a gorgeous German shepherd, is moving to Europe. I haven't seen him much lately. He's in Ottawa, and I'm in Burlington. Long distance relationships are especially difficult when you can't talk on the phone, have no opposable thumb so cannot email, and have a brain that is easily distracted. Plus, there was the abuse back in December '06. He bit me - I managed to stay away from him for a little while, but I eventually gave in to my love and forgave him. Now he's leaving. I guess we'll have Dogbook. But not much else.

Then, there's the other German shepherd I've been totally in love with since we moved to Burlington. OMG, he's so totally gorgeous. And aloof. I like that. Every time I see him, I get all excited. The only time he really pays attention to me is when I steal his ball. I do it a lot, so that he'll pay attention to me (I'm a girl...I'm wiley). Two weekends ago, I made a devastating discovery. He's gay. Seriously. Nothing wrong with being gay. Except if I'm in love with you. THEN, I have an issue with it. I found out he was gay when he was all over my cousin Piper. It was horrible. There we were, walking together, and he's chasing after Piper like he's NEVER chased after me. I'm starting to get over it. But, really. It hurt.

I'm loathe to admit that I relapsed yesterday when it comes to a human man I love, the one who left me. I found a garbage bag downstairs. I sniffed it - and oh, my god, I was sure he was in the bag. I couldn't stand it. I was so excited. I dug around in there, looking for him. I found a shirt - pulled it out and paraded around the basement with it, convinced this was a sign that he was in the bag.

He wasn't.

The next morning, I tried to chase a few trucks that look like his.

But they weren't him either.

Do you understand now why I'm considering the convent?

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Congratulations, Piper

Hell has truly frozen over.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Bunny hunting

Last night we went for a walk at Bronte after dinner. Another nice, cool night. I didn't get to go off leash because there were too many cars in the off leash area (and I'm a bit of a bitch lately). But it didn't matter - I had a ton of fun anyway. We parked over by the farm. I got to see peacocks, chased a bunny (until I hit the end of my leash), saw some pigs and had a great wander and sniff through the woods.

Once we got through the woods, we wandered down some nice paths, through some long grass.

I heard movement in the grass - knew I had to act fast. I flew through the air, rose above all the tall grasses, and pounced on the area I figured the prey was headed. But I missed. And I couldn't chase it because of the damned leash. Still, I had room to sniff and explore and leap a few more times when I thought I heard movement. I felt so....primal. The human told me I looked like a deer, the way I sailed through the air above the grass.

Take THAT, arthritis and back pain!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

An addendum to today's post...

See? I really WAS barking at cows on the drive home from Kincardine!

The Hunter and the Hunted

I am a notorious hunter. I think we've established that. My prey drive is pretty much off the charts. If given the freedom, I would chase everything. Not just squirrels, bunnies, birds, deer and other assorted live prey - but also skateboarders, cyclists, rollerbladers and vehicles.

These past few morning walks have been particularly busy for me. The squirrels have been really active - in the parks, running up trees, running along telephone lines (which requires me to chase them from the ground while they run away from me in the air).

And the bunnies, they've been everywhere. I surprise them a lot - I come around a corner, and, wham, there's a bunny that needs to be chased. My leash stops me from catching them - but that doesn't mean the chase isn't still required.

Oddly enough, though, these past few mornings, my human and I have been the prey. There is a little parkette we walk through every morning (it's where Mr. Bunny used to live. I wrote about him last year). Well, the other morning we were walking down the path, and we were totally dive bombed by a bird! The human is taller than me so she got the worst of it. This male redwinged blackbird was making it very clear that we were not welcome. He was making tons of noise and dive bombing Lesli's head. It was nuts - what a jerk! Every single time we went through there, until this morning, this dude would beat the crap out of us. He's gone now. Suppose his babies or whatever he was protecting have left the nest. It was ridiculous. I am SO not used to being anyone's prey. Especially some snotty little bird I could eat in one bite.

We had a good weekend last weeked. Went to Kincardine. I slept a lot on the drive, both up and back (though I woke up in time to bark at cows, horses, goats and sheep through the window, and took great pride in the looks of concern I elicited). I got to swim in Lake Huron, and retrieved a killer stick of driftwood from the lake. I brought it home with me. It was a little hard to get up the beach stairs with it but I made it.

Anyhoo, that's the update for today. I'll post a picture of my amazing stick later tonight. It really is awesome.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Hot dog

I'm in Kincardine, enduring the first heatwave of the Summer of 2008, and it's brutal. I don't know how other dogs feel on days like this. Maybe if you haven't got a really thick coat it's not so bad. But when your coat is black and super thick, it's rough. Even inside in the air conditioning, I'm really lethargic. I just feel like laying around. Our walk this morning was half the distance and took as long as our usual walk. I just lumbered along. Lesli took me for an early morning swim today so that I could cool off. That helped a bit. And there are some breezes here in Kincardine. But there really is no getting away from it.

I'm a hog dog.

Not much else is new.

I think I've adjusted to our pack's new routine.

We get up early, go for a walk. I have breakfast. Human has breakfast. We have a short snuggle while she reads and has her coffee. Then, she goes upstairs and does a bunch of things. Comes back down, gives me a peanut butter kong and my treaty ball. Next is my nap. Then, Louisa comes and we go for a really fun walk together. Next, another nap. The human comes home. I eat again. We rest while my dinner settles. We go to Bronte. Sometimes we go for a drive around after Bronte. And then we go to bed.

I think I can live with this.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

George - an update

I brought George to bed with me last night.

Now he's missing part of his face and more of his bum.

I love him.

Even though I am systematically destroying him.

Lesli put some of his stuffing back into him.

It's still there.

For now...

Monday, June 2, 2008


Today's post is all about bums. Because there is a lot going on with me when it comes to bums right now.

Let's begin with the gift Louisa gave me. His name is George. He is a bunny. She gave him to me on Friday - such a totally awesome surprise. I loved George from the moment I sniffed him. I showed him my love by chewing his bum out within the first hour of our friendship. (he is now missing part of his cheek as well).

I am also reluctant to mention that, just as I suspected and mused about in one of my recent posts, after taking me to the vet and letting them torture my bum and my left anal gland, the evil human did take me back the next day and allow them to torture me again, this time with my right anal gland. My reluctance comes in admitting that, since the anal gland hell, my bum actually does feel better.

Goose bums. I love them because they produce yummy goose poo. There is a whole bunch of it across the street right now because flocks of geese have returned to graze on the park grass. It's a buffet. No matter how hard the human tries, I manage to eat my fair share of goose poo. I think I ate too much of it yesterday, which leads to my last note about bums.

Oh, my, is my bum giving me trouble right now. I woke the human up at five this morning and made it as clear as I possibly could that I had to go out ASAP. She rushed into her clothes, threw some shoes on and out we went. I barely made it around the corner before I really had to go. I got through the day, and my walk with Louisa. Then the human came home, fed me, and out I went into the back yard. I was sick again. We went to the park, and I had to poo about five times. She's making me some rice now.

Oh, my bum. Sure hope it feels better tomorrow.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Strange Week

I don't know what's going on. Monday, the human got up early, walked me and then got all dressed up and left me for the entire day. Louisa came by in the morning, which was great. She took me for a walk, and that was lots of fun. She dropped me off at home, I napped and then waited for Lesli to come home. She finally made it at dinner time - omg, was I happy to see her! We had dinner, went for a nice walk, and then relaxed together for the evening.

She did it again Tuesday. She took off on me. Got all dressed up, left me for the day. Louisa came by again and walked me around the neighbourhood. I was restless Tuesday night, and a bit grumpy. Who could blame me. I'm a dog. I like routine. I like certainty. And my life was two days into being tossed in the air. I didn't know what was going on. So, the human took me for a swim in Lake Ontario Tuesday night and I slept after that.

Wednesday - she did it yet again. Same routine. So, I'm starting to think, this is our new routine and we've had a change in our pack. She keeps saying something about "working" and "earning money for your food". Huh? Whatever. I guess I'll just go along with it. I get to see Louisa and Quinn more, which is good. And I can nap in the afternoon now without being assaulted by the human constantly, telling me how cute I am and kissing me.

We had a great hike at Bronte when she got home last night. I swam in the creek, sniffed a lot of things, ate too much grass.

The weekend is here, so my human and I can spend some quality time together, which will be great.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Sucking up

You, not unrealistically, likely read the title of today's blog and thought, oh man, what did that crazy dog do now that she's sucking up to her human?


So wrong.

It's very much the other way around.

And after what this human has put me through over the past three days, she had better be sucking up. Cause I'm one pissed off dog.

It started with her friend Rosalind showing up Wednesday.

I thought my human was a few curds short of a poutine.

Ros makes her seem normal. (almost)

After a day filled with ridiculous unpredictability, they topped it off by tossing hot pink nail polish into the air instead of passing it to one another. It created a Pollack-esque design on the carpet, which my human will be working to remove for days.

I don't really care about the carpet. But I do care that I was standing there when this happened, and I'm not thrilled with the hot pink designs on my black fur.

I like Ros. But the two of them together are too much for any dog to bear.

Fast forward to today. Up early. Nice walk. Rushes me to Bronte. Then, takes off for a few hours. Comes home. I give her my platinum greeting. What do I get in return?

Stuffed into the car and hauled off to the damned vet, where they pulled, poked, prodded and tortured me.

They stuck needles into me.

And they stuck their fingers up my butt.

My anal glands are blocked, so they thought they'd do me a little favour and clear them.


I screamed, cried, put on the best show I could. You could hear it in the reception area. No way I planned to suffer the pain and indignity quietly. FORGET IT.

They brought me out to my human after torturing me. Usually I'm glad to see her - I'm always, like, oh my GOD, do you have ANY idea what THEY did to me back there????

But now I know better.

She is complicit.

I refused to look at her.

I tried desperately to get to the door, and steadfastly ignored all of her "Boo boo! I love you!" crap.

We got into the car. She asked for a kiss. I obliged - but just a quick one.

So guess what she did? She took me home, and took me right over to the lake for a swim! Then, I got extra meat in my dinner. Now I'm resting, she's hugging me constantly and telling me she loves me.

That's right, sister. Keep it up.

(I'm slightly distressed by something I heard her tell grandma on the phone...they could only get my left anal gland done...right one too sensitive and they thought I'd had enough for one day...I'm back tomorrow for the right side to be done? No. Must have heard that wrong)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Ho hum

Wow, it's been a week since I've blogged. I guess not much has been happening around here to write about. Same old days - up, walk, breakfast, nap, hike, nap, walk, dinner, nap, pee, bed.

The human has been uber-boring this week.

She did let me do a pre-wash on an angel food cake pan (picture included). I worked very hard to please her, and took about twenty minutes to ensure I cleaned every nook and cranny in that pan. I expect she was satisfied with my work.

But then again, who can tell with humans. They're so inconsistent.

Take this morning, for example.

Normally, I drink out of the big water dish upstairs.

I believe it is commonly referred to as a "toilet".

I don't get in trouble for using this water dish. It appears to be an accepted custom in our den.

So, why then would the human get all agitated and shoo me away when she's apparently drinking out of the toilet? She had her head in it. I can only assume that's what she was doing. I just wanted to join in. The two of us, having a drink together. Seemed kinda fun to me. So I saddled up beside her, said hi, and proceeded to push my snout in there, too.

But, nooooooooo. She shoved me away.

I went to get a drink there awhile later, and that was ok with her.

I just don't get it.

They think we're confusing?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


A girl is allowed at least one relapse after she says she is over a guy, right?

I think that's realistic and fair.

Mostly because I had one this morning.

It started with the grey pickup truck that was backing out of a driveway we passed on our early walk. I saw it - and I thought, MIKE???? I pulled so hard on my leash to get to the truck and find out if it really was him, if he had finally returned to me.

Even as we walked away, I turned and gazed at the truck while the human dragged me.

A few minutes later, there was another truck. Again, if I had been off leash, I would have run after it like it was a long lost love.

Frankly, every truck that passed us this morning gave me hope. I looked at each one with renewed excitement and hope, and tried to run after them all.

But none of them was Mike.

I had a good play at Bronte with my friends. I think that has helped me to shake this off.

Hopefully this will be my last relapse.

I was doing so well!

Saturday, May 10, 2008


OMG OMG!! I almost caught a squirrel this morning! ON LEASH!

Stupid squirrel.

It was playing with three of its friends among some big trees. I stalked them, slowly making my way over to where they were. They all ran up a tree. I sprinted over, figuring the usual would happen - they would make it safely up the tree, I'd sit at the base of it and bark before the human snapped my collar and told me to shut up.

But one of the squirrels, clearly the mentally challenged one, ran back down the tree right to where I was waiting. It happened so fast - squirrel came down, ran right under my nose, I gave chase, squirrel got confused, went left, right, stopped - I did the same.

It was right by my mouth.

If it wasn't for the leash, and the quick but shocked actions of the evil human, that squirrel would have been mine.

Wow, what a way to start my day.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Revenge is sweet...and tasty...

It has become clear that I have been abandoned by the man I love (ok, one of them, anyway).

I've waited and waited and waited.

And he has not returned.

Now I understand, he isn't coming back.

I am not amused.

In fact, I'm rather pissed off.

Like a girl in a Carrie Underwood song, I am a dog lookin' for some payback.

Girls, when you want revenge, don't waste your time on things they don't care about.

As I looked back on the happy times we had with peanut butter - him smearing it on my nose while I frantically tried to lick it off, letting me lick peanut butter knife - the choice became clear.

I had to destroy his peanut butter.

That crummy, hydrogenated oil-filled PC peanut butter he loves so much.

First I licked it clean.

Then I chewed the living hell out of it.

It suffered - and I feel infinitely better.

As Carrie says (modified slightly), 'Maybe next time he'll think before he leaves...'

Sunday, May 4, 2008


What a great day.

It started with an early morning walk. The sun was rising, the birds were busy, the air was cool but not cold. Perfect for a girl with a thick fur coat. We walked for a long time, I sniffed a lot of air, peed on plenty of other dogs' pee and left my mark all along our path. We stopped at our spot on the lake, and a flock of seven trumpeter swans flew right by us and landed. I didn't even try to chase them - I just stared at them. It was freaky.

After our walk, we had breakfast. Mine, as always, was delicious. Then I got to lick Lesli's plate after she had her breakfast. I followed that with a great nap (interrupted only twice by the human petting me).

We went to Bronte mid-morning for an off leash romp. It was sunny, still cool, and perfect. I ran, jumped in a few puddles, met a couple of dogs, sniffed the air, peed a lot and chased a few birds. On our way home, I got to lick Lesli's mocha cup. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Next up, a peanut butter kong (with crappy PC peanut butter....ahhhh, memories....) and fresh treats in my treaty ball. The human left. I licked my kong clean, played with my treaty ball for awhile, and then just really wanted a good, long, uninterrupted nap. I curled up in the wingback chair and snoozed.

The human came home, and I was so freaking excited to see her. I haven't felt that happy in a few days. I wiggled and cried and gave her one of my premium greetings. After she had lunch, my human said "Boo Boo, do you want to go to Bronte again?". I looked at her and cocked my head in disbelief. Bronte? Again? HELL YEAH!!! She packed me into the car, and off we went.

This time, we went to a different spot. I didn't get to go off leash, but it didn't matter - it was an awesome walk. We went through trails that were packed with trilliums, down to the creek so I could have a swim. Then we went through some marsh area to a trail not many people know about and climbed a super big hill. I saw pigs (and was pulled away before I could really have fun and bark at them) and a peacock and squirrels. We followed a little deer trail through a field - it was awesome. The human and I hung out in that field for awhile. She laid down in the grass and watched the hawks and turkey vultures, and I laid down beside her and ate the grass around me. It was so great, just hanging out in a field with my human, eating grass.

Until I saw what appeared to be a massive killer bird headed our way. I alerted, started to bark at it and warn it, stay back, bird! Don't you dare come near my human and me! It didn't listen. I barked more, and that got the human's attention. She started to laugh. I was, like, wtf? This isn't FUNNY! This huge killer bird wants to eat us!!

Apparently, this large pink bird is called a "kite" and is not a threat.

Uh, ok.

How was I supposed to know?

I'm sleepy again. Heading down for a long nap.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

STILL waiting...

Mike has a lot of nerve leaving me for this long.

I'm trying to be patient, but it's getting harder.

Every time a car door closes outside, I get excited and start barking. But it's not him.

I've tried to chase a couple of trucks, but to no avail.

Tonight my human did something really mean. She said "Boo, where's your boy?". In all fairness, I suppose she didn't think I would know what that meant.

Hello? German shepherd brain? I'm smart, dammit. I knew exactly what it meant! I cocked my head, just to ensure I had heard her correctly, and when she repeated it, I thought, OMG, he's HOME!!! So I jumped up and ran to the door and started to bark!

But, no Mike.

I'm back to being depressed and moping around the house now.

The human says I'll get used to not having him around. I just don't know when, though.

At least I have his hat and his peanut butter.

Friday, May 2, 2008


Mike went out yesterday after lunch. I'm still waiting for him to come back. It's taking a long time - I wonder where he is? I sniffed his baseball hat. Wagged my tail A LOT and looked for him in the hat - but it appears he isn't in there.

Grandma and Grandpa came to visit late yesterday afternoon. Usually I'm over the top excited to see them. I was happy, but it wasn't long before I just felt blah again. I spent a lot of time laying around last night.

Waiting for Mike to come home.

I'm a bit concerned, because I sensed sadness in my human yesterday. And all of his things are gone from our guest room.

But I'll keep waiting.

He'll come back.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Orange Alert on Bitchiness

I would like to issue a formal apology to my good friends Louisa and Quinn.

I saw you today as we were driving up to Bronte, and I wanted to meet up and walk with you.

But my human wouldn't let me.

Something about me being "out of sorts" and seeming like I was in a bit of pain from my back and arthritis.

In short, the human believed there was potential for bitchiness.

You know how the United States has different colours for various levels of terrorist threat alerts?

We have a Bitchiness Alert.

It was orange today.

Which meant, high threat level.

Therefore, the human took evasive action and steered the threat away from anything which might set it off.

Like, little dogs...you know what I mean...

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

A good day for a dog

I had a great day yesterday.

Saw bunnies and squirrels on my morning walk. Rolled in brown, slimy smelly stuff. Twirled around in a few puddles and muddy creeks. Saw Quinn at Bronte. Ate stuff - dog food, turkey bacon, a bit of chicken, popcorn, peanut butter and goose poo.

Mmmmmmm, goose poo.

Played with my human. Laid in my back yard for awhile and sniffed the air. Chased doves off our fence. Napped. Ran around the house all wet. Endured a forced snuggle with my human. Ate lots of spring grass. Spent some quality time with the man I am obsessed with (without my human getting in the way). Hung out and wrestled with my cousin, Piper. Cleaned the dishes in the dishwasher. Chased a few turkey vultures at Bronte.

And topped the day off with a great sleep.

Really, a dog can't ask for more than that.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Sad Storm

I'm a sad dog today.

I've spent most of my day moping. And waiting.

Mike left the pack early this morning.

And he hasn't come home yet.

I went for a little walk with Lesli shortly after he left. Saw a couple of trucks I thought might be him. Tried to run after them, but was held back by my damned leash.

Came home. Ate breakfast.

Moped. Waited by the front door for awhile.

No Mike.

Went to Bronte. Had a nice romp there.

Came home.


No Mike.

Got a peanut butter kong and full treaty ball when Lesli went out. I licked the kong, played with my treaty ball for awhile.

But it felt meaningless. The joy wasn't there.

I went back to moping.

Lesli came home. After a brief, somewhat excited greeting, I returned to my post by the front door and waited for Mike.

Then we went for a ride and a walk at Paletta Mansion.

Came home.

Didn't even ask for dinner.

I just laid down on the carpet and assumed my forlorn face.

I ate dinner - but wasn't as excited about it as I usually am.

Since then, I have continued my front door vigil, interspersed with occasional rests on the couch while gazing sadly at the front door.

Still, I wait.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

More discoveries!

We went to Kincardine yesterday, and, guess what I discovered on the drive?

Not only can I now stick my head out the car window and smell everything, and stare at people...but I can also bark at horses and cows - and goats, sheep, chickens and tractors - with my head out the window as we drive by!

Will wonders never cease?!?!?!?!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Finally, it looks like spring is here! We had a few rainy, cold days. It was so gross out that even I was depressed. I didn't want to go for my walks, didn't feel like blogging. Laid around the house moping.

But that's over now!

The sun is out. It's warm. Bronte is full of big puddles and little, temporary lakes to play in. In fact, this morning the humans caught me twirling around in one of them. Somewhat embarrassing but worth it - I was just so happy, I couldn't stop myself.

One thing about spring, the birds get super crazy around here. We watched a goose go after a woman yesterday. Turns out, she had stopped to gaze out onto the lake, right in front of his nest. And his woman was sitting on that nest. So he flew up from the beach right over the woman's head, landing on the grass in front of her. He started charging her - we kept watching to see what was going to happen. Everything turned out fine - the woman eventually walked away and the goose was pleased. I swear, no one is going to touch that guy's eggs.

Back to my nap. Crazy day so far today and I need my beauty sleep.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The greatest duo of all time strikes again

Starsky and Hutch.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Montana and Rice.

Bonnie and Clyde.

Batman and Robin.

Clint Eastwood and...well, uh, his sneer.

Lassie and Timmy.

Throughout history, there have been great duos.

But none compare to the greatest of them all.

You know who I'm talkin' about.

The unstoppable...Storm and Quinn.

They're all talkin' about us at the dog park. The deer. The bunnies. The hawks. The crows. And now, the ducks. You bet, they're talkin'.

No one is safe.

Grab your fawns, baby bunnies, squirrels, ducklings...whatever your species happens to be...

Because you never know when we will strike.

Today, in the sleepy little park of Bronte, an unsuspecting duck landed in a makeshift pond beside the off leash parking lot.

Quinn didn't waste a second. He turned and barreled down on the duck. I sensed adventure, and joined in the chase. The duck flew away. I took the lead and chased it across the road (kinda glad Bronte is fenced in and the speed limit is really low). Quinn paused...but not for long. The duck turned, headed down the road. And we followed. Air pumping through our lungs. Sun on our backs. Duck quacking. Legs pounding the pavement. Humans shouting.

We didn't stop until we had run that rogue duck outta town.

We gave each other a satisfied glance, holstered our pistols and headed back to town...where a couple of pissed off humans waited.

They're threatenin' to break us up.

We'll see who wins that one.

Mark my word...Storm and Quinn WILL ride again...

Sunday, April 6, 2008

I'm not too old to discover new joys!

It took me over seven years, but I have finally discovered the absolute total bliss of sticking your head out the car window.


The spring air flowing through my snout as we drive...closing my eyes and just feeling it blow over my face...taking in all of those incredible scents flying at me...feeling the sunshine on my head...staring at the people in the car next to us when we're stopped (the human advises that may make people somewhat uncomfortable?).

It's magical.

I'm strapped in now with my canine seatbelt. Suppose that's why I've been allowed to make this discovery. Man, am I glad I made it. Especially on a day like today - sunny, not too cold. A perfect early spring day.

The human and I went for an on-leash hike at Bronte this morning. We wandered around the farm (where a cow made a hideous sound when I went by), down to the creek. Hiked a lot of hills, played and dunked in some super big spring puddles which are really like small lakes. She worked me hard today - we went to the off-leash area tonight. Says it's because I'm becoming "portly" again.

That would explain the shocking lack of treats today.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I was Duped

Apparently we have opened a rehab centre for injured wildlife.

A duck (female greater scaup) slept in our guest room last night.

Not only was I not consulted, I wasn't even given a courtesy "heads up" that the duck would be gracing us with her presence. No one asked my permission.

Worse, I was tricked.

The human managed to get the duck into the guest room and out this morning for a trip to rehab without me ever knowing it was here.

I didn't have the chance to sniff it. Bark at it.

Eat it.

Oh, sure, I had canned duck this morning with my breakfast. But believe me, I had no idea a real, live duck was mere feet away. What a raw deal!

I was bamboozled.