Saturday, September 29, 2007

The Shoe

Last night I decided to head to the basement with Lesli while she did some laundry. When I got down there, I encountered the most joyous smell. It was the smell of Adam. I tracked it to the things he has stored in our basement while he is away. Oh, my, was I happy. I sniffed his guitar case and wagged my tail excitedly. Was he in the case? I couldn't tell! If he was, he didn't seem inclined to come out. Somewhat disappointed, I moved on.

I wandered under his desk, turned around a few times and wiggled my bum while I sniffed everything around me.

Adam, Adam, Adam. Everywhere, I could smell Adam. But where was he??

I discovered some small green bags. The more I sniffed them, the more excited I got. Finally, I emerged from under the desk. With the Holy Grail of Adam. A shoe. Ohhhhhhhhh how wonderful!!
I wiggled over to the stairs, shoe in my mouth, ears back, beyond happy. I slowly made my way up the stairs (not easy when your body is wiggling so much) and wandered around the house for awhile with the shoe gently but securely in my mouth. I finally set it down by the dishwasher.

Lesli says I can keep it close to me as a reminder of Adam.

Friday, September 28, 2007

How often do I have tell you...

It's a sign of intelligence!!

WHY would I wait for the roll when I can eat the toilet paper like a licorice string, straight off the wall?

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Storm the Campaign Policy Wonk

Lesli worked from home Sunday. It was nice to have the time together. Even if she was working, we took the odd break and went for short walks together, and I snuggled up on the couch next to her while she wrote for the campaign. Once when she went upstairs, I moved over to her spot in front of the laptop and inserted some policy I thought was missing from the speech. Not sure if they noticed. She caught me just after I had finished. We will see if my policy recommendations make headlines.

I've had some adventures this week. I chased a couple of red tailed hawks who were engaged in a noisy battle in the sky. I figured I could catch them. Almost caught a snake. Went to the lake for a short dip last night. And this morning, I saw what is apparently referred to as a possum among humans. It was on a fence - must be the ugliest thing I've ever seen. Because of that factor, I barked my brains out at it. I'm convinced the people living in the house there appreciated the pre-dawn wakeup call.

Then this morning, the river otter (who the human has named Bert) made a long appearance. I believe he comes in peace, so I don't bark at him (yet). He sat up on his hind legs and checked us out for quite some time this morning. It was like an otter/human/canine stand off, with everyone thinking, holy crap, what's that? Then he wandered down onto the rocks and played a bit. Still close to us. It was cool. We like Bert the River Otter.

Back to my nap. It's really hot - I'm lazy today.

By the way, now that I am offically a political policy wonk, I will now refer to the off-leash dog park as the OLDP.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Kangaroo Revenge

My routine has changed a lot since I came home. Lesli's gone a lot. We spent the whole spring and summer together, and now she leaves early in the morning and comes home late at night. I'm ok - I get exercise and I get fed - but I just don't get why this sudden change.

So I took it out on a kangaroo last night.

He's from Australia. Or, I should say, "she" - there's a baby kangaroo in her pouch. And she's been sitting on a shelf in Lesli's office, where she keeps her mementos from her political travels. I've left that kangaroo alone, just like I've left the lobster and Corn Cob Bob to live in peace as well.

But no more.

Last night, while she watched the news, I snuck upstairs and kidnapped the damned kangaroo. I brought it back downstairs, and hid behind the loveseat, silently torturing it while I knawed away on one of its legs.

And I would have finished the job if too if little balls hadn't started coming out of the leg as I chewed it, alterting the human to my evil plan.

She swooped in and saved the kangaroo. And with some surgery, it will live.

But have no fear...I will succeed with my next victim.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Chipotle Pepper Sour Cream - Taste With Care.

Wow, is it ever nice to be home. I was insane with happiness when I saw Lesli Friday night. We snuggled a lot. Grandma stayed over, and I slept downstairs with her. I went up early Saturday morning to wake Lesli up, and we had an awesome run. Lots of bunnies, cool weather and plenty of squirrels to chase. Adam and Nikki took me to Bronte yesterday afternoon, and then Lesli and Adam hung out with me last night.

Adam made a HUGE thing of nachos for dinner. They set up dinner on the coffee table. I watched patiently but wasn't getting anything from them, so I took matters into my own hands and decided to grab a taste from one of the bowls near the edge.

I licked the creamy stuff inside, thought it was pretty tasty at first, so I kept going. Lesli realized what I was doing and stopped me.

Next thing I know, my mouth is exploding. I kept licking and licking at the air. Then I was hacking and licking at the same time. Then my eyes started to water and I couldn't stop blinking them. This went on and on...I don't think I've ever felt anything like it. Meanwhile, the humans were bent over laughing.


Ok, so, things with chipotle peppers may not be something that is high on my list of foods to steal in the future.

It's Sunday today. I think Lesli is going to work from home. We may get a visit to Bronte in! She's going to have a busy few weeks but Adam will be here, so I will be ok.

Friday, September 14, 2007


I'm going home! I'm going home! I'm going home!!!!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Tyson vs. Holyfield...German Shepherd Style

When Bristol and I were younger - even a few months ago - I didn't question her. We were friends. I learned very early that she was the alpha dog. If she wanted something, I let her have it. If she told me off, I went to the ground and never challenged her. It wasn't worth it. She'd kick my ass. She was undeniably the boss in our little dog pack.

But she's 13 now. And she's showing her age. She's weak. And though humans have this curious but I suppose honourable quality of caring for their old, their weak, their infirm, it doesn't work that way in the animal world. In a wolf pack, when a wolf is old and infirm, we start to challenge it for the leadership spot. And we will kill it - or drive it out of the pack.

Though I am aware we are not a pack of wolves living in the wild, there are undeniable instincts we cannot fight. One of them tells Bristol to be defensive around me because I may try to usurp her position as alpha or worse. The other tells me to fight her.

So now, when she takes a shot at me, I fight back. And we've had two knock down, drag out fights.

I know it's hard for the humans. But it's not personal to us. Things have changed. It's too much for grandma to manage on her own in the house - who could blame her?

Sooooooooooooooooooo....guess what?

I get to go home!!

Grandma is bringing me back home on Friday. I feel badly - but I can't help my instincts. Either can Bristol.

Now, it's up to my human to figure out what the hell she will do with me for the rest of the campaign.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


So, I had my third bath in a week today. I must really smell. I wonder if they realize just how much I hate baths? They probably do. They just don't care. They're all about smelling good on their terms. Never mind the fact that I smell best after I've rolled in a rotting salmon. Everyone knows that's an incredible smell. Or after I rub my face in mystery poo. They want me to smell like green apples or jasmine and other assorted disgusting human-approved fragrances. And there is nothing I can do to stop it. I scream, I cry. I look despondent. Still, they torture me with their ridiculously perfumed shampoos and deoderant sprays.

I think about my human a lot and wonder how she's doing. No doubt she's working way too hard, she's tired and she's missing me. Any day now she'll feel the crush of emotions generated by the adrenaline and exhaustion of an election campaign, and she'll call here. Crying about how much she misses me. But I'm doing alright. And I know she's coming back for me, one day.

My cousin in California has cancer. I heard grandma on the phone with Lesli earlier. It must make Lesli really sad - she loves Cali so much. Good thing I'm not in Burlington. She would be torturing me with forced puppy hugs and plaintive "I love you's".

Nap time.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Kickin' it in Kincardine

So, they made good on their promise to ship me off to the groomer yesterday. I won't talk about how THAT was. I don't want to relive the trauma.

Grandma picked me up, brought me home - and all of a sudden, Bristol was being a major bitch. I have no idea what I did! I had been gone for hours - what the hell? She didn' t want to let me into the house. Grandma made her - and I made my way really fast to the bed in the corner, to get out of her way.

She followed me - stalked me - I didn't know what to do. I laid down (photo attached!) and just laid low. Things calmed down after awhile.

Piper and I slept together downstairs last night. We had a blast - watched tv all night, ate chips, drank too much pop. Got into the biscuits, watched shows we aren't normally allowed to watch. It was great. We had it all cleaned up by the time anyone came down in the morning, so they'll never know!!!

Things are good here. I smell better, so people are being nicer to me. I'm spending some time outside, just hanging out, watching for chipmunks and squirrels.

Wondering how Lesli is doing. I hope she's sleeping ok without me.

Monday, September 3, 2007

I'm on Vacation

Adam and I went on a little drive together yesterday. And we ended up in Kincardine! What a surprise! Even more surprising was the fact that somehow, my food dishes and all of my food was with us - so I have it here now. Not sure where Lesli is. But I'm sure she'll show up eventually. She must be off hunting for the pack.

It has been great so far. Today, I spent some time lazing under a big cedar tree sniffing the air and watching the world go by.

Speaking of sniffing, everyone here says I smell.

I don't know what they're talking about.

I mean, I just endured a visit to that place where they tie me up, brush me, bath me and then subject me to some blow dryer thing.

And now I have to go through it again tomorrow?

For the love of God, don't these humans GET IT?

I smell GOOD!

And may I remind you humans that I love you no matter what. You could stink like a garbage dump, and I would still love you.


Saturday, September 1, 2007

R.I.P., Bella

My friend Bella died. She was a German shepherd too, and was still a puppy. She was playing with two big boxers at the off leash park, and the play was really rough. Bella hit her head. Her human rushed her to the emergency vet, and they examined her to see whether the injury was to her head or her spine, and discovered it was to her head. She died a few hours later. Bella was awesome - always happy, always wanted to play. I'll miss her.

If Liberals Break Promises...

Then Lesli must be a liberal. Because she promised me when she picked me up from grandma and grandpa's after the 2006 federal election, after we'd been separated again for over two months, that we would never be apart for that long again.

And now she tells me I'm going to visit grandma and grandpa tomorrow. Alone. Because she's working another election.

She always writes about Liberals breaking promises. Says the provincial ones she's trying to beat broke over fifty of them. I bet none of them were as big as this one.

I guess it's ok - I do have a good time in Kincardine. It will be good to see Bristol, and I loooooovvvveeeeeeee my grandparents. I can do a couple of drive by lickings on Brian. That' s always a laugh.

We're spending our last day together at home, walking, going to Bronte.

And I live in terror that she's going to be groping me all day.

It's already started. Trying to have my morning nap, and suddenly she's in my face saying "kisses, boo????".

Good god.