One of the best ways to make your human squirm, and thus earn yourself minutes of fun-filled entertainment, is to eat something completely gross, something you know they're going to freak out about.
Here is how it works.
Say, for example, you are on a walk with your human and you spot a hunk of black fur lying in the snow. Clearly a dead rodent of some sort - most likely a vole, but really, who the hell cares? It's a frozen dead rodent and you're on top of it.
Scoop it up in your mouth, and make sure the human sees it.
First they yell at you.
"Storm, DROP IT!!!".
Oh, yeah, uh, sure. I'll drop the tasty morsel I have just managed to secure.
When HELL freezes over.
"DROP ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hold your ground and keep your trap shut. Tightly. Because next comes the shaking.
"I - SAID - DROP - IT!!!!!"
At this point, the human will grab your jaw and head, pry your teeth open and shake your head like it's a goddamned salt shaker, hoping the yummy piece of flesh (or garbage, or poo - just add your favourite forbidden treat here) will drop out.
When it doesn't...heh heh...you've forced them to go in.
They'll make a big show of it, especially if you're not alone (today, for instance, I ate the vole in front of a fairly large pack of other dogs and humans).
"OH - MY - GOD" they'll exclaim, as they reluctantly but forcefully open up your craw and jam their fists inside, digging around to feel the offending object. It could still be on your tongue, or you may be close to swallowing it. Don't worry. They'll dig for it.
And they'll likely cry out as they dislodge it.
Today was a great example.
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she cried as the ball of frozen fur was sent flying from my mouth, and all the other humans started saying they wished they had something called antibacterial lotion for my human.
Then I got to watch as the other humans tried to keep their dogs from picking up my discarded prize.
Try it. You're guaranteed a show. You may even get to actually eat whatever you managed to pick up.
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