Sucking up

You, not unrealistically, likely read the title of today's blog and thought, oh man, what did that crazy dog do now that she's sucking up to her human?

W-R-O-N-G.

So wrong.

It's very much the other way around.

And after what this human has put me through over the past three days, she had better be sucking up. Cause I'm one pissed off dog.

It started with her friend Rosalind showing up Wednesday.

I thought my human was a few curds short of a poutine.

Ros makes her seem normal. (almost)

After a day filled with ridiculous unpredictability, they topped it off by tossing hot pink nail polish into the air instead of passing it to one another. It created a Pollack-esque design on the carpet, which my human will be working to remove for days.

I don't really care about the carpet. But I do care that I was standing there when this happened, and I'm not thrilled with the hot pink designs on my black fur.

I like Ros. But the two of them together are too much for any dog to bear.

Fast forward to today. Up early. Nice walk. Rushes me to Bronte. Then, takes off for a few hours. Comes home. I give her my platinum greeting. What do I get in return?

Stuffed into the car and hauled off to the damned vet, where they pulled, poked, prodded and tortured me.

They stuck needles into me.

And they stuck their fingers up my butt.

My anal glands are blocked, so they thought they'd do me a little favour and clear them.

I DON'T THINK SO!

I screamed, cried, put on the best show I could. You could hear it in the reception area. No way I planned to suffer the pain and indignity quietly. FORGET IT.

They brought me out to my human after torturing me. Usually I'm glad to see her - I'm always, like, oh my GOD, do you have ANY idea what THEY did to me back there????

But now I know better.

She is complicit.

I refused to look at her.

I tried desperately to get to the door, and steadfastly ignored all of her "Boo boo! I love you!" crap.

We got into the car. She asked for a kiss. I obliged - but just a quick one.

So guess what she did? She took me home, and took me right over to the lake for a swim! Then, I got extra meat in my dinner. Now I'm resting, she's hugging me constantly and telling me she loves me.

That's right, sister. Keep it up.

(I'm slightly distressed by something I heard her tell grandma on the phone...they could only get my left anal gland done...right one too sensitive and they thought I'd had enough for one day...I'm back tomorrow for the right side to be done? No. Must have heard that wrong)